


To Do or Not To Do

by one_blue_eye



Series: To Do or Not To Do [1]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: AU, Alternate Timelines, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Ianto, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fix-It, Ianto's second chance, M/M, Part of an epic series, Romance, Second Chances, Telepathic Mental Probing, Time Travel, Timey-Wimey, Weevils (Torchwood), temporary major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1404046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_blue_eye/pseuds/one_blue_eye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After dreaming of his death at the hands of the 456, Ianto wakes in his own bed… only it wasn't a dream and he has been miraculously transported into his 18 year old body with all his memories intact. He has so many questions. How long does he have? What can he change? What should he change?<br/>He realizes that he'd better be careful if he ever wants to see Jack again. </p>
<p>Take a peek into Ianto's Journal as he reruns his life from 18 onward, changing some things and desperately trying to recreate others, all in the name of love.</p>
<p>This is a Torchwood/Doctor Who crossover AU but the events that lead Ianto to the Plas follow canon timeline closely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Pyjamas in the Land of the Dead

**Author's Note:**

> All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. All hale RTD, THE BBC and associated minions.
> 
> Ianto’s New Timeline: 08/27/01 – 09/14/01

> _You are what your deep, driving desire is._  
>  _As your desire is, so is your will._  
>  _As your will is, so is your deed._  
>  _As your deed is, so is your destiny._  
>  _\- Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5_

 

  

**_WEEEOOOO WEEEOOOO WEEEOOOO WEEEOOOO WEEEOOOO WEEEOOOO_ **

 

 The noise was deafening and the flashing red lights were… _blinding—distracting—irritating_.

  

My mind was reeling—so many thoughts and none of them helpful—and my stuttering brain was swamped with terror. _Useless_.

  

I’m stuck—my body is frozen, on pause while competing drives battled– _fight damn you_ – _shoot them—use your gun–Jack, Jack, do something–we have to run…run away, now–just drag him away, do it–break the glass, kill them–go to the roof–shoot out the door, get out, get out, get out, get out…_

But we didn’t.

We never do.

We just stood there.

Powerless.

Useless.

Motionless.

Stupid, stupid, stupid…

How is this surprising?

There was nowhere to go.

There was nothing I could do.

 

 

I just… stood there, with that stupid, surprised look on my face and a greasy trail of nausea slithering through my guts.

 

 

Then everything sped up, my world unpaused and someone turned the volume up, unbearably loud. Beside me Jack was screaming at our tormentors frantically, “What have you _done_!?”

 

 

From the thin pulsing speaker came a calm steady voice. “You wanted a demonstration of war. A virus has been released. It will kill everyone in the building.” The voice was a deep growl and it reverberated in my chest. Bile rose up and coated the back of my throat. I could taste _evil_ in the air. I was choking, choking, choking…

 

 

_Oh God, I am going to die._

One moment, the jaws of death appeared above and below, the next their jagged teeth were gnashing together in front of my eyes.

And then suddenly, I realized I was standing by myself. Jack was gone, gone, gone…

 

 

He must have run out of the room but I knew he’d be back. He wouldn’t just leave me…

 

 

I’m running out of options, running out of options, running out of options…

 

 

I had to fight. I cocked my gun and took aim at the glass case. “If there’s a virus, then there must be an antivirus,” I shouted, my throat already painfully hoarse. “Release it now or I’ll blow a hole in that tank. And we’ll all die together.”

 

 

The Voice was not concerned. It did not reply.

 

 

And then Jack was back. He shouted at the tank, “You’ve made your point!” he shouted and pleaded, “Now stop this and we can talk.” Oh, god…he sounded so scared.

 

 

“You are dying… even now,” purred the evil, twisted voice.

 

 

We started shooting.

 

 

We had nothing to lose, nothing to lose, nothing to lose…

We kept shooting until we ran out of bullets. When I looked, there wasn’t a single scratch on the glass. _We did nothing_. The glass was designed according to the alien’s specs and was nearly indestructible.

 

****

**_REEEEOOOOO  REEOOOOREEEE REEEOOOOWWWOOOOEEEE REEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO_ **

****

****

“What’s that noise? What’s it doing?” Jack swung around, confused, terrified. He looked around desperately trying to figure out what new hell this noise signalled.

 

 

I could see the frequency dial mounted on the equipment, it flipped back and forth. I realized that the high-pitched squeal meant they were scanning frequencies, searching for the right one, the deadliest one.

 

Jack grabbed my arms and looked at me with such desperation, his eyes seeking mine. “We’ve got to get you out of here. I can survive anything but you can’t!”

 

Thoughts flittered by in black and white. Like an old movie. Fuzzy and jerky. Out of time.

_Oh Gods, has he just realized?_

“Too late,” I told him. “I’ve breathed the air.” My voice was calm, surreal. He gripped me tighter. Denial and desperation warped his face.

 

I knew I was going to die, was dying, even as we spoke.

 

“There’s gotta be something!” he insisted. “There’s got to be an antidote!” His eyes were red, swollen with unshed tears. He knew I was dying, he just couldn’t admit it yet.

 

“You said you would fight,” the evil voice taunted.

 

A snaking cold slithered up my limbs, the sensation akin to anesthesia.

 

I thought back to my last surgery.

 

_Why do they always ask you to count backwards?_

I realized I’d be unconscious soon. Numbness overcame me. I wavered. My body sagged.

 

He pitched his voice towards to tank, “Then I take it all back,” he attempted to retreat. “Alright? I take it back!” He pleaded, begged. “But not him. No!” He caught me in his arms.

 

_He’s always there to catch me when it counts_ …

 

I heard his words and the ones underneath and in between; I heard him say how much he really cared for me. But they weren’t _those_ words, no, never those. Not Jack. Not to me.

 

Then I fell.

 

I couldn’t stand.

 

I couldn’t see.

 

I couldn’t breathe.

 

All I could do was FEEL – _painpainpainpain – the burning in my lungs – and fearfearfearfear…_

“NO! No–no–no–no!” he begged me. “NOOO! Ianto!” He begged me to stop dying.

 

Then, as I lay dying, I felt his arms wrap around me. Our roles were unexpectedly reversed. Usually, it was him on the ground, dead, dying or resurrecting with my arms, my body wrapped around him, protecting, waiting. How inconvenient. I would have snickered if I hadn’t been in so much pain, if I had been able to breathe properly.

 

“The remnant will be disconnected,” the voice declared apropos to what, I don’t know. I had no idea what it was talking about. I hoped Jack would think of it later. After he woke up, alone.

 

_I won’t be there to hold him when he gasps back to live…_

_I won’t be there to kiss him…_

_I won’t be there to laugh with him…_

_I won’t be there to keep him from being alone…_

_I won’t be there to love him…_

_I won’t be there…_

 

I lay on my back, looking up into his red-rimmed eyes. They were filled and dripping tears, but beautiful, so blue, bluer than the sea. I could live forever in those eyes.

 

_Let them be the last thing I see._

 

He looked at me, desperate and searching. “It’s all my fault,” he sobbed.

 

“No, it’s not,” I rasped. I tried to protest but my throat was on fire, spasming and burning as the poison coated my esophagus. It was _agonyagonyagony._

He leaned closer, stroking my cheek tenderly. “Don’t speak. Save your breath,” he whispered and then gently cupped my face. His eyes were darting, scanning my face and body for signs of pain. Judging by the horror reflected back at me, he had a pretty good idea of how much pain I was really in.

 

Suddenly, I realized that I could see his heart, as he worn it plainly for me to see. There was pain, loss and fear. But there was so much more. Why hadn't I been able to see it before? Why couldn’t I see the love in his eyes? I could _now._ I could feel it in his touch, hear it in his every word, feel it seeping out of his pores, feel it pouring down my face. Perhaps those were my tears, or his. Hard to tell.

 

I had to tell him. “I love you,” I said, each word painfully torn from my throat. I had to tell him before I died.

 

Across his face, in his eyes, my words danced and for a brief beautiful moment there was a spark and then there was only _painandsadness._ He knew. He knew I loved him just as he loved me. I’ve always suspected that he tried desperately NOT to love me. He tried so hard to be alone, to be strong and safe. And this was why. I was going to die. We’re all going to die.

 

_Now_.

 

And he had to lose me.

 

_Now_.

 

Watch me die.

 

_Now_.

 

He would always be alone.

 

_Now_ and forever.

 

“Don’t,” he begged. “Please…don’t”

 

_I know… I understand…_

I know that he heard the words but they didn’t sound like a declaration of love; to him they sounded like _goodbye_.

 

 

Because they were.

 

_Now_.

 

_Here it comes… darkness ... cold ... so cold… I’m afraid…_

He trembled. “Ianto? Ianto? Ianto, stay with me.” His voice caught on every word. “Ianto, stay with me _please_.” And every word was drenched in love and loss. “Stay with me… _stay with me please—please_ …”

 

I struggled to open my eyes. I couldn’t bear the pain in his voice. I needed to see those beautiful eyes one more time. “Hey,” I managed, “It was good ya?” I needed to see him smile one last time.

 

“Ya.” He almost smiled. Almost.

 

“Don’t forget me.” I begged. I couldn’t bear the thought of being forgotten.

 

“Never could.” His words were strained, from holding back so much emotion and of course he was dying too.

 

“In a thousand years time, you won’t remember me.” My greatest fear, my greatest weakness and I just couldn’t hold it in.

 

_I’m allowed._

_Now._

_I am dying._

 

“Yes I will. I promise. I will. _Ianto?_ Ianto don’t go. _Don’t leave me please—please don’t…_ ”

 

 

***

 

**I WOKE UP** , heart pounding, covered in a cold sweat, in my own bed. In the agonizing aftermath, I lay there suffocating in a dream induced paralysis, gasping for breath, drowning in utter sorrow. _Oh god_ , _all those children. Oh… Jack._ I moaned inwardly. Thankfully, the sound of my alarm shocked me out of my pitiful reverie. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I ran my hands briskly over my face and silently gave thanks to the Powers That Be that it was just a terrible dream.

 

I made it as far as the bathroom before reality came crashing down around me. I stood there looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. My pyjama bottoms were threadbare, ancient, tattered. My eyes shone a little too brightly, long dark hair provided an unpleasant reminder of my bad hair choices of the past but it was my body that shocked me the most. My skin was smooth, smoother than I remembered and there were no lines around my eyes and mouth. I looked so young, I could hardly remember ever being so young.

 

_How is this possible?_ I demanded of the mirror. _What the hell is happening to me?_

And then I remembered.

 

“Oh God… _Ja..ck_.”  My voice broke mid-word and it took me several moments to recover enough to think clearly. Before I knew it I was rummaging through the house looking for a newspaper. Logically, I told myself it was just a dream, _impossible_ —it had to be—but I’ve seen and done things that made it all too easy to accept the impossible.

 

The paper was folded, sports section on top. The date in the corner— _impossible_ —it was the day after my birthday and I’d just turned eighteen, **_again._**

 

I felt ever so close to snapping. My grip on sanity was terribly femmer. I struggled to make sense of my… situation. My horrible dream was _not a dream_.

 

I was still staring at myself in the mirror, knuckles white and clenched, gripping the sink for more than just stability.

 

In my mind, I began to replay an Eddie Izzard skit. It was totally random, it had been hilarious the first time but it suddenly took on a whole new meaning. I held the conversation between myself and the grim reaper. I actually did the voices–in my head.

 

_Can I get some new pyjamas please? I asked politely._

_No pyjamas in the land of the dead… he taunted._

_They said there would be pyjamas! I whined and complained._

_No…no pyjamas for you! he insisted. You’re dead._

By this time I was hysterical. I couldn’t help the maniacal laughter that burst from my mouth, a dreadful sound, created somewhere deep within. I was hiccupping, red-faced and teary-eyed, my heart was pounding double-time and by the time I managed to calm down a little I was feeling slightly queasy.

 

_I died._

_I remember._

_How could I forget?_

_Nothing had ever **h-u-r-t** so much._

Then… the next thing I knew I was laying in my bed, in my own body, my **_younger_** body. I was eighteen again. I had time on my hands now, didn’t I?

 

_Time to make a few changes._

I was a journaler. It’s how I dealt with life, how I processed stressful events. So that’s what I did. I started writing frantically, lest I forget. I made two lists, _To Do_ and _Not to Do_.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>  
> 
> _August 19, 2001_
> 
> **_TO DO:_ **
> 
> ****
> 
>   *          _uni – study Archival sciences, develop self defense skills, computer skills and study criminology._
>   *          _Find UNIT?_
>   *          _*Be an Archival Expert, your sanity depends on order._
>   *          _March 2004 – Do find the Doctor._
>   *          _Do find a way to keep tabs on alien activity._
>   *          _Always keep a journal: your life depends on it._
>   *          _Learn to make amazing coffee, your happiness depends on it._
> 

> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ **
> 
> ****
> 
>   *          _Wait. Do not leave Cardiff, yet. Dad needs you._
>   *          _Don’t join Torchwood 1. D_ _on’t go to London. Bad things happen in London on Christmas._
> 

> 
> _I’m a little bit frantic now and entirely desperate to NOT forget all the little things. The little things that make me happy in the future and more importantly I think - what not to do. There are so many things to remember. So many terrible, unnecessary things happened and maybe now I have a chance to make it all right. If I hadn’t joined Torchwood One then Lisa wouldn’t have died… no, actually, she would. I just wouldn’t have been there. And if I don’t work for Torchwood then I won’t learn about aliens and I won’t have any experience and Jack will never hire me. So I guess I had better be careful about what I change. I do want certain things to happen. I just don’t want to let… certain other things happen._
> 
> _Such as dying. Such as Tosh dying, especially like that. And Owen too, if I can help it._
> 
> _I can’t change everything. I can’t make Canary Warf not happen. I can’t stop Gray from hunting Jack down. I can’t stop Jack from running off with the Doctor. I can however change me, change my experiences, change my thinking, change my skills and abilities and make myself better equipped to deal with all that crap. I just need to be stronger and I need to live. I need to live and be with Jack. I need to meet Jack and fall in love with him because nothing else will ever matter that much. My whole life was just one big practice set, all getting me ready to meet Jack. Phew. I need a drink. Good thing I’m 18._
> 
> _First things first. I’ll need to make a list of every event I can remember, critical ones of course. I’ll need to do it fast, just in case I start to forget. God, I hope I don’t forget. Then I need to make a plan. I need to recreate myself so when I do meet Jack, I’ll be more than just eye candy to him. I want to be agent material and I know exactly what I need to change._
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

***

 

 

**I FILLED NEARLY** an entire book that first night. I didn’t sleep. I was terrified to forget, afraid that when I woke I wouldn’t remember. If I forgot then I’d just do everything the same or worse. So I wrote. I wrote until my fingers bled and I could no longer see straight. I wrote every single fact I could recall. I could recall a lot. I was an encyclopedia or a database or an archive. Any – _all_  of those descriptors in fact would apply.

 

I could hear them moving around, getting ready for work in the kitchen and in the bathroom. They’d leave me alone. They were used to my strange moods, my strange habits. They’d just assume I’d developed a new one. Which was fine with me. I’d be starting school soon. I would be moving to res. They’d leave me alone. I could sleep in (or not at all), I could eat anything I fancied (or completely forget to eat or fail to notice my body’s hunger all together) and I could bathe as infrequently as any teenage boy did – they just wouldn’t notice.

 

Three journals later I needed to find a secure hiding place. I needed to piss, I needed to eat and I _did_ actually need a shower because, god, did I smell.

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>  
> 
> _August 28, 2001_
> 
> _Uni starts next week and I think I’m going to change a few of my courses around. I was a bit timid the first time round. I’m going to kick arse this time. I’m taking a Criminology course along with my Library Studies and Psychology courses. I need to get a part-time job as soon as possible, something useful. I’ll not waste any time on a silly retail job, not when I have to cram so many experiences into the next few years._
> 
> **_TO DO:_ ** _get a job, learn how to shoot a gun, take some Crim courses_
> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ ** _no slacking off, don’t be weak/timid/afraid/nervous, be brave dammit!_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

***

 

**THE FIRST WEEK** of school was exciting. There were so many opportunities. I’d hardly noticed half of them the first time ‘round. I came upon a positing for “weapon’s training” in the hallway. I tore off the contact number and vowed to call that evening. I took the first available start date. 

 

The very next day I made my way to the range. I stepped up to the reception desk feeling genuinely nervous and the kindly woman welcomed me with a chipper smile. “Good morning.” She spoke in a sing-song voice and her smile came through her words.

 

Instinctively, I smiled back. “Good morning,” I said. “I’m here for my first lesson.”

 

“Your name?” She pulled out her clipboard and her ballpoint pen.

 

“I’m Ianto Jones.” I was so nervous. It felt like I’d been lying non-stop since I woke up the day after my birthday. Lying made me feel extremely guilty. I told myself I’d gone undercover. But I still felt guilty whenever I spoke to adults.

 

“Of course, Mr. Jones.” She flashed me another pleasant smile and came out from behind her desk. “Your lane is ready. Come with me and I’ll introduce you to the instructor.” She motioned for me to follow her.

 

An uncomfortable silence settled upon us as we walked down the hall. _Politeness and courtesy_ , I reminded myself, _they are your weapons_.  “Thank you… ah ?”

 

“Mary,” she told me.

 

“Thank you, Mary.” I gave her my grandest smile for her troubles and I followed Mary through the corridors until we arrived at a series of sound proofed rooms.

 

She poked her head inside the room and called out. “Excuse me, Inspector?”

 

“Yes, Mary,” came the reply. “Come right in.” His voice was gruff sounding but he sounded genuinely pleased to see Mary.

 

“Mr. Jones is here for his first lesson.” She held the door open for me and gave me a little push towards the instructor.

 

“Mr. Jones, welcome!” I was greeted by a grizzly old man with gigantic work roughened hands the size of baseball mitts. He reached out to shake my small smooth skinned palm.

 

“Thank you, love.” He winked at Mary as she left but didn’t let go of my hand. He continued to shake it vigorously while they nodded knowingly to each other.

 

“You two have fun now!” She said over her shoulder.

 

When he finally did release my hand he asked, “Shall we begin?” and then the Inspector clapped his hands together loudly. He had an expectant look in his eye as he waited patiently for me to find my voice.

 

“Yes –“I’d jumped at the loud clap and cursed myself inwardly for it. “Yes, please I’m anxious to get started.”

 

“Okay. First thing you’ll need is some safety instruction…” He spoke quickly, confidently and I listened to every word he said and tried to absorb every drop of wisdom and knowledge.

 

After an hour of intensive instruction I was ready to practice on my own. I revelled in the familiar feeling of power that shooting a gun always gave me. The exhilaration was slightly alien to this younger version of my body though. My youth gave me a few distinct advantages: I had way more energy and I learned a lot faster. It seemed like only a fraction of the time was required now before my neuro-motor pathways repeatedly fired and muscle memory was solidified.  I could feel it, I was going to be brilliant at this.

 

My instructor, Inspector Donaldson, was incredibly impressed with my ability to learn a new skill so quickly and with my accuracy.  He was drawn to my younger self and he decided to take me under his wing.

 

I was a regular at the range. I went several times a week for free practice and once every two weeks for an intensive lesson with the Inspector. The Inspector introduced me to his fellow coppers and I became one of theirs in no time. I flourished among these diverse and positive adult role models; my self-confidence and self-esteem were both nurtured into a more healthy state. I felt like I was making progress.

 

***

 

 

 

 

>  
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>  
> 
> _September 14, 2001_
> 
> _My path has begun to diverge. I can feel the difference in how I see myself already. I haven’t really changed much mind you. I’ve learned a new skill, met some positive role models and I feel good about myself._
> 
> _I’ve only altered one Uni course from what I remember from before. It was a silly option and it never did anything for me anyway. Now I’m taking a Crim course instead and it’s so exciting! I’m really good at it too._
> 
> _The self-defence course was… interesting. I’m obviously way too weak and skinny. It was a bit terrible actually. I’ll need to bulk up. I also need to see to a better diet and I should really start working out regularly. This needs to become my way of life from now on. I need to be strong, healthy, fast and clever._
> 
> _I can do this. I might not be able to change anything other people do but I can change me._
> 
> **_TO DO:_ ** _you still need a job, get fit, eat healthy food, get a date for goodness sakes, work out, get stronger before you take that fucking awful self-defence course again, that was pitiful._
> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ ** _don’t give up_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

.

**_To be continued in… Chapter 2 - Reruns and other Unimaginative Chapters of My Life_ **

 

**_  
_ **

****


	2. Reruns and Other Unimaginative Chapters of My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the day to day grind, the reruns, that get Ianto down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/content: sexual innuendo, swearing  
> Ianto’s New Timeline: 10/25/01 – 12/31/01  
> 

 

> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _October 25, 2001_
> 
> **_TO DO:_ **
> 
> _X Go see Dad_
> 
> _X  uni - study Archival Sciences, Psyc and Criminology_
> 
> _X  Learn self defense skills, fire arms, computer skills_
> 
> _X  Get part-time job: library, coffee shop or police station_
> 
> _X  Learn to make great coffee?_
> 
> _X  Stay healthy: eat well, workout, make friends_
> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ **
> 
> _X  Don’t fight with Dad or Rhi_
> 
> _X  Don’t be so paranoid_
> 
> _X  Don’t be afraid_
> 
> _Reruns are in no way an engaging or stimulating way to spend your life. I’m paranoid and I feel trapped. I can’t change things too much but at the same time I’m so damn bored. I can’t keep doing this, living this way for months on end - never mind for years. I need to start living my life for the present not for some possible future. I need to expand my mind and my experiences. I need a job and a… date._
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

 

 

***

 

 

 

 **I WAS PLEASED** with myself when I was offered the job on the spot. I could always talk a good game. Now, I just had to practice the perfect cup of coffee and make a few quid while I was at it. I made some great friends while working at the Roastery. It was a local favorite and it was currently swarming with overworked university students desperate for their next fix of caffeine. It was also a great place to meet foxy, if over caffeinated, young men and women.

 

I had developed quite a following over the last month and it made me feel just a little brilliant. Today was no different. If I chose, I could flash that smile, the one that came much more easily than it had in the past or the future or whatever we were calling it, and I could have my pick.

 

 

She was foxy. So foxy in fact that I was drooling quite obviously. She didn’t mind at all though which made it all the better. I threw a glance at my co-worker that said _I’m-going-in-cover-me-mate_ and then I headed towards her table. She looked so cerebral, sipping her coffee, reading her textbook, taking notes, wearing a tight pink cashmere sweater and those gorgeous dark rimmed librarian glasses…

 

.

 

***

 

 

 

 **NOW _THAT_ WAS** a good night. I knew I was good in bed… before… but I wasn’t sure if my technique would actually carry-forward. By the gods it really had! Just one more thing that I wanted to thank Jack Harkness for. I’d thanked Jack numerous times for sex, too many times to count in fact but I had never actually thanked Jack for teaching me how to get someone else off with such… skill. Who knew all that filthy _office desk - back-alley – SUV – any old floor – holding cell - boardroom_ sex would come in handy in my second incarnation?

 

I’d taken to calling it my ‘reincarnation’ or ‘rerun’ or ‘do over’. It wasn’t as if I was chatting to anyone about it but I did talk about it (with myself) when I ~~spoke~~ muttered to myself – which was quite often.

 

I wasn’t sure if it was my second or hundredth time and I was still trying to understand how it happened and how it worked. I didn’t have much hope of ever finding out at this point and I had almost come to accept that fact.

 

It wasn’t all fun and games though… and speaking of games… oh how I missed Jack’s games. There were the birthday parties to redo, the exams that were exactly the same as the first time, my sister’s annoying habits, the news and even the bloody dreary weather.

 

It was ridiculous.

 

I had no excuse for not excelling at all things academic. There were times – like right in the middle of an important exam – in which I would zone out, lost in my internal ethical debate about whether I should strive to get what I got the first time I did this or whether I should aim for complete mastery. It felt like cheating. I actually felt guilty. Then I’d look up at the clock and realize I only had fifteen minutes left to finish the exam. Ironically, after all that ridiculous moaning, I did worse.

 

So the next time I had a major exam I decided – _fuck it_ – I’m here, might as well kick some arse - as a matter of principle of course – nothing more.

 

_Guilt. Shmilt._

Ya, whatever, who was I kidding? We all take advantage of our strengths right? Some people have more strengths than others, that’s all. So I ended up doing _rather_ well. My profs loved me, said I was ‘a model student’. My peers either loved me or totally resented me. I gave the impression that I was a serious student or a super-brain while still having enough hours in a day to have a part-time job, see my family, go out on the town and still have time for personal grooming. It was pretty cool.

 

Yes, I was bored and had little challenge to keep me engaged but it did give me enough time to pursue other avenues of interest.

 

I had a plan.

 

I had lined up a part-time job at the University Library starting January 2002. One can only make coffee for so long. I had all the time in the world to apply for every grant, scholarship, internship and job that I could find. Actually, after this year I would have so much in scholarships that I wouldn’t really need a job. I could take a job that paid piss poor that would offer me opportunities for growth, research and contacts.

 

And that’s exactly what I did.

 

Inspector Donaldson was a contact worth his weight in gold. He was a friend, a mentor and a source of information. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him and his buddies.

 

Usually, the Inspector brought me to 'the club' on the weekends. First, they had a few drinks and then they bitched about work. I just happened to be there. They liked me, they trusted me and they didn’t censor their thoughts around me. I was one of the guys.

 

I could always tell when they ran into _one of those_ cases. It was unbelievable that these guys didn’t piece it together when it was all there for them to see. Why didn’t they see it **_was_** aliens and monsters and the world **_did_** almost end more often than anyone would like to believe?

 

Douglas Adams was right - it was all due to _The Other People’s Problem Field_.

 

The evidence was there plain as day and the vast majority of people just looked the other way. Perhaps it was the nonchalant way that I always took things in stride that made Inspector Donaldson offer to take me on a series of ride-alongs. I jumped at the chance. It was the _way in_ that I was looking for!  The Inspector told me I was **_the stuff good cops are made of_**. I very nearly glowed at the praise and accepted the offer graciously.

 

I also took this time to reach out to my dad. I knew I only had a short time left with which to make peace with the grumpy old bastard. _Bless him_.

 

So I spent my weekends and free time popping by and talking on the telephone with my dad. It was good. It was _nice_. It was a chance few people ever got and I wasn’t about to squander it.

 

 

 

>  
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>   
> 
> 
> _December 15, 2001_
> 
> **_TO DO:_ **
> 
> _X  Ring Dad – thank him for lunch_
> 
> _X  Read computer skills book_
> 
> _X  Workout_
> 
> _X  Give notice at Roastery – quit date?_
> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ **
> 
> _X  Don’t blab at the club – just listen!_
> 
> _X  Don’t screw up any more exams!_
> 
> _Went out to lunch with dad today. We had a great time! I can’t remember the last time we actually had such a great conversation. He told me he was proud of me. He never said that before. I was speechless. It was either that or I’d have cried like a girl._
> 
> _I need to stop second guessing myself. I’ve screwed up two exams in the last month because of it. Damn Catholic guilt. It’ll be the end of me. I’m going to pick up a couple of Christmas gifts this weekend for the kids. I love being an uncle, especially at this time of year._
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

 

 ***

 

My relationship with my sis started to defrost as well since we ended up spending more time together as a result of my impromptu visits. Her confusion and resentment slowly melted away and we actually started to enjoy each other’s company for the first time in our lives. It was a blessing, a reprieve to the unending unimaginative chapters that characterized my daily life.

 

**_To be continued in… Chapter 3 – Awakenings of the Mind_ **

_  
_

****


	3. Awakenings of the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto undergoes a series of awakenings. He finds meaningful work that may be beneficial in the future. His true friends stand by his side. He realizes he has become a different man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/content: probably swearing, mentions of bullying  
> Ianto’s New Timeline: 01/03/02 – 12/xx/02  
> Characters: Dora, Mrs. Inglesten, Colin, Bryce

 

> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>   
> 
> 
> _January 3, 2002_
> 
> I’m starting my job at the library tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it. I need to feel useful. Eventually, I’ll have good access to the restricted materials section. Plus, a little order in all this chaos wouldn’t hurt any. Hopefully they have a decent coffee machine.
> 
> **_TO DO:_ ** _lunch with dad, be healthy, take that fucking awful self-defence course again, buy a new coffee machine, more sex_
> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ ** _stop saying hi to people you haven’t met yet, do not go near the Plas, don’t fuck this up_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

 

***

 

 **“AND THIS IS** Mrs. Inglesten, one of our most senior archivists.” Dora, my new boss really meant it when she said she’d introduce me to everyone. We’d been at it for hours. Once again, I was thankful for my exceptional memory. There was no way anyone _normal_ would be able to retain all of those names.

 

At first, I thought maybe it was a test of sorts but it seemed more unlikely as the hours passed. Apparently, there was very little to do at this time of day. Everyone was either taking a break or on their way to or from the break room. The library was staffed mostly by little old ladies, several prim young ladies with one or two guys his age. It was quiet and orderly and absolutely lovely.

 

 

“Mrs. Inglesten, how nice to meet you.” She had the look of someone whose good graces would make or break your existence. It was best to make fast friends with this one. She gave me a once over and I flashed her my sweetest smile. She took my hand and gave me a warm welcome.

 

 

My job was simple: help the students with their research, help them find their topics, book their study rooms, and order or locate journals or books as needed. I saw plenty of my old regulars from the Roastery and quite a few of them regularly looked at me with wistful expressions. They missed my coffee and more than a few of them missed flirting with me on a daily basis.

 

***

 

>  
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _January 30, 2002_
> 
> The internship has finally come through. I can’t believe it. The Inspector must have pulled some strings and called in a bunch of favours. And the best thing is – I’m going to get credit for it. It’s ridiculous. It’s ridiculously awesome is what it is. I’m blown away. I start next Monday. The only downside is that he’s enrolled me in that bastard self-defence course again and I’ll be joining in about half way into the semester. I’m going to get my arse kicked. Thoroughly.
> 
> **_TO DO:_ ** _see dad on Tuesday night, read the damn book for that fucking awful self-defence course - again, weight training every day this week, buy new track pants_
> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ ** _don’t call that foxy bird again – she’s too high-maintenance, don’t forget Rhi’s party!_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

 

***

 

 **WHAT I DIDN’T** know was just how easy it had been for Inspector Donaldson to convince his superior’s to set up the Criminology Internship. They all liked me and respected me. In fact, Inspector Donaldson clearly wasn’t the only one who felt a sense of paternal affection towards me.

 

The Inspector knew how much I had been dreading the self-defence course but I’d been working out, lifting weights and eating right for months now. He knew I was ready whether I knew it or not. The only glitch was having me walk into the class part way through the semester. He’d have a chat with the class and explain the situation. He’d make sure they weren’t twats about it.  

 

***

 

 **“COLIN, THIS IS** your new sparring partner,” said the Inspector by way of greeting. “Ianto, is a good friend of mine so make sure you take good care of him. Have fun.” He gave him a rather pointed look.

 

“Right. So, no pressure then?” Colin muttered under his breath as the Inspector sauntered away.

 

“Don’t worry,” I told him quickly, “I’m sure he’s mostly kidding.” I tried not to flinch at the disbelieving look on Colin’s face. _Right…who was I trying to kid?_ “Anyways, it’s nice to meet you.” I gave him a mega-watt smile and a firm handshake.

 

“Like wise. So are you a new recruit?” He looked me over.

 

“Ah. No. Actually.” _Damn, why was this so embarrassing?_ “I’ve been invited to join the course as a part of my Criminology Internship.”

 

“Really?” he frowned, “I’ve never heard of that before.”

 

I grimaced guiltily. “Ya. It’s a bit irregular.”

 

He smirked, probably at my discomfort and then shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t matter to me. You _are_ about three months behind though,” he explained, “Have you done any hand to hand before?”

 

 _Oh, god. Here we go…_ “A bit,” I admitted hesitantly, “But I’m… extremely rusty,” I said, hoping to keep expectations as low as possible.

 

“Alright people settle down,” Inspector Donaldson bellowed from the front of the room and immediately all eyes flicked towards him. He motioned us closer. “We have a new student joining us today. His name is Ianto Jones and he’s doing his internship in Criminology with us.” His gaze swept from person to person, seemingly meeting every eye. “Please make him welcome.” When he was satisfied with the looks he received in return he spun around and in several long confident strides he traveled to the front of the room. He picked up his pointer stick and thwacked the wall chart emphatically. “Today, we’ll be doing some drills, a bit of sparring and some holds. You have your lists so let’s get started.”

 

***

 

I was busy rummaging through my locker, paying little attention to the happenings around me when I apparently caught the unwanted attention of several Student Officers talking nearby in front of an open locker. I’d met them before in passing since we had several classes together but it was clear they didn’t like me very much. They were a bit rude and collectively carried a rather large chip on their shoulders. They were the We’re Cool Because We’re Senior crowd—you know, your typical grade-school bullies—and for some reason they didn’t like the fact that I was here on a mere internship. After several minutes the majority of the crowd finally dissipated, leaving only the ring-leader who sauntered over towards me. He obviously had something on his mind.

 

So I slammed my locker shut and turned to face him with as much Fuck You attitude affixed to my face as I could muster. I stood up tall, crossed my arms and leaned casually up against the locker.

 

“What?” I demanded with a bored drawl. I steeled myself for what was sure to be a challengingly cerebral conversation.

 

Bryce was obviously shocked by my pre-emptive snarkiness and stopped short a few steps away. His glassy little beady eyes narrowed and his slack jaw hung open unattractively before he managed a come-back. “You’re an irritating little prick.”

 

“I am,” I echoed sardonically.

 

“Ya. You are. You don’t belong here. You just pulled in a lot of favours. You haven’t earned nothing!” He was actually getting red-faced.

 

Unbeknownst to either of us, Colin, the sneaky little ninja, had slipped silently into the locker room while we discussed how much of an irritating prick I was. He stood at the end of the row and just listened – _for now_.

 

“I’m an intern… you twat. Do you know what that is?” I was getting a little exasperated by this point. There’s a limit to how much idiocy I can tolerate and I was quickly reaching my weekly quota.

 

“Well…Ya…” But by the uncertain look on his face, he really didn’t have a clue.

 

“It m..e..a..n..s… that. I’m. a. student.”

 

“So!?”

 

Gods, the sigh that came out must have been something. I gave him a pitiful look that said _there – there you poor little thing.._. “So,” I explained carefully, “I’m not about to steal your job or anything.”

 

“You couldn’t even if you wanted to..” he protested cleverly.

 

“So what’s your problem then?” I snapped, effectively cutting him off at the pass.

 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he whined pathetically and clearly he was losing some of his fiery purpose.

 

By this point, Colin had had enough of the idiot brigade and decided it was time to swoop in and rescue me.  “Ianto,” he called from around the corner, “Inspector Donaldson is looking for you.” He came to a stop at the end of the isle. He made eye-contact and smirked at the relief he saw in my face. I gave and answering smirk and a little nod. Clearly, I owed him for this.

 

“Hi, Colin,” I said with a toothy grin, “Did he say what he wanted?”

 

“No,” he replied, with a little chuckle. “He just said it was important and sent me to fetch you.” There was a definite light in his eyes and his smile was stretched wide.

 

“Right. Well, _we’re_ done here,” I said flippantly. “It was a real pleasure,” I added for good measure. I flashed my best fake smile at Bryce and then turned and left.

 

 

***

 

 

 **“WHAT A PRICK,”** he scoffed, just as we stepped into the hall. “I guess there has to be one in every crowd,” he added with a grumble. I agreed sympathetically with a low hum and a pair of raised brows.

 

There were a few moments of shared pain and some disgusted head shaking as we walked through the hall but I shook the irritation off quite quickly. It was irritating _– yes_ – but, I realized, I wasn’t actually upset about that idiot’s rather ridiculous attempt to slap me down. I would’ve been – the first time round. But now, I’m a different person, far more confident and self-assured. I couldn’t care less about that chump and his opinion.

 

However, Colin was a bit concerned. If it were him, especially in his first term, he might’ve been a bit put off. “Ah…Ianto?” he asked tentatively, “What exactly did he say?”

 

“Oh…you know…he was just mouthing off. He’s a bully. He’s just afraid of anything or anyone that’s different. Nothing to be concerned about,” I told him and smiled reassuringly.

 

“Okay. If you say so,” he relented but he was going to keep an eye on that guy just the same.

 

“So the Inspector didn’t really want to see me did he?” I asked once we were outside the building.

 

“Nope,” he agreed. “Not at all.”

 

I stopped and turned to face him. I grinned back at him and then asked, “So where are we going?”

 

“My friend,” he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, “I’m going to buy you dinner. Sound good?”

 

“Sounds great,” I replied and leaned into the one armed hug.

 

Colin hugged me tighter and while the grin didn’t leave his face he was still a little pissed off. He wasn’t going to let his drop quite so easily. He had no intention of letting it go and was busy deciding the best way to drop a little hint to the Inspector that Bryce had been a nasty little prick to their favourite intern.

 

And as far as he was concerned, I didn’t even have to know.

 

 

* * *

 

**_To be continued in… Chapter 4 – Awakenings of the Body_ **


	4. Awakenings of the Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/content: just a little naughty sexy sex, swearing, angst  
> Summary: Ianto undergoes a series of awakenings. He explores his sexuality.  
> Ianto’s New Timeline: 01/03/02 – 12/xx/02  
> Characters: Ianto, Colin, Inspector Donaldson

**“JUST… PUT YOUR** hand… there.”

 

“I… don’t…”

 

“Here. Wrap your fingers around the bottom of my hand and then press your thumb here…”

 

“Like this?”

 

“Ahh! Yep. You’ve got it now.”

 

“Damn. That’s a hard one to find. How the hell am I supposed to find that on an attacker?” I whined. “ _Excuse me sir, bear with me while I find the most painful nerve junction in your wrist._ Not bloody likely! We’ve been doing this for months! I should have it down by now. I’m shit at this.” I was in a piss poor mood. I sucked at this.

 

“Don’t worry Ianto, you’ll get faster. Nobody learns as quickly as you do.” Colin couldn’t help chuckling at my childish pout which only made me scowl more fiercely. It was true that I usually picked things up freakishly fast but I was having a bit of trouble with grappling and holds.

 

“How are you two doing on the wrist hold? Ianto? Everything okay?” Inspector Donaldson didn’t bother trying to hide his affection for me anymore. We’d been friends for over a year now and it was generally accepted by officers and cadet’s alike that we socialized in and out of the office. After a closer look though he saw the annoyed scowl currently distorting my face and his own expression turned to one of concern.

 

Colin quickly explained, “He’s just frustrated, Sir. He’s having trouble finding the nerve junction. He just needs more practice, that’s all.”

 

My eyes knowingly passed between the two and I thought I could hear a slightly defensive tone in Colin’s voice. Apparently, there was a little more pressure involved in being my partner than I realized. Inspector Donaldson was eyeing Colin sharply.

 

“Actually, Colin’s a really good teacher and he’s extremely patient with me. And apparently I need a great deal of patience.” My scowl transformed into a rueful smile and I patted Colin on the shoulder to emphasize my point.

 

“Good. Good to hear.” He smiled at Colin briefly then he looked at me thoughtfully before suggesting, “You might want to study the anatomical structure of the wrist tonight Ianto. It’ll help you visualize.” 

 

“Okay. Good idea. Thanks, Inspector.”

 

He just nodded and smiled warmly before moving on to the next pair.

 

Colin hadn’t realized he was holding his breath so he was slightly embarrassed when he gasped and sucked in a lung full of air. I pretended not to notice and Colin was extremely grateful.

 

“Colin, I… I hope you don’t mind being my partner… “I held up a hand to forestall his immediate denial. “I know he’s being extra demanding of you because of it. I just wanted to say thanks for being so patient. I only feel like an idiot about half the time…” I grinned and looked at him warmly.

 

Colin smiled back and threw his arm around my shoulder before he spoke. “Ianto, I’m glad we’re partners. It’s a pleasure, really. Besides you just make me study harder… all those questions… it’s good for me.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“All right that’s time! See you all tomorrow.” Inspector Donaldson’s voice thundered to the class. He watched as his students filed haphazardly out the door and made their way to the locker room.

 

“Ianto, are you coming to the club tonight?” The Inspector usually picked me up at my place on the way there.

 

“Ah… ya… if that’s okay?  I was looking forward to it.”

 

“Great. It’s poker night," he declared. "Pick you up at eight sharp,” he called over his shoulder as he headed out of the room. 

 

“Alright. See you later,” I told him. 

 

We were making our way towards the showers when Colin finally blurted out the question that had been bothering him. “So… do you usually… _uhm_ … go to the club _together_?” Colin hadn’t been able to figure out our relationship yet. However, we’d been working closely together on a daily basis for over three months so he’d decided it would be okay to ask me outright.

 

“Ya, he always picks me up. I don’t drive very often. I’m on the way, so he says it’s no big deal,” I answered offhandedly while I was rummaging around in my locker.

 

“No. I mean _together_ , together.” Colin tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders ruefully.

 

“Oh!” I shook my head and blew out a hissing breath. “I can see how you might assume that but it’s not… we’re not together. We’re friends. He’s… like my mentor? Ya know?”

 

“I’m so sorry Ianto,” he apologized quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply that you are… _gay_ or… anything like that.” Colin’s heart was racing and his face was flushed red with anxiety. He really didn’t want to destroy his friendship with me. He really liked me… a lot.

 

I cocked my head slightly trying to read Colin’s distress. I had a feeling Colin was more _into me_ than he was letting on but the matter of sexual preference had never come up before.

 

Colin’s eyes were rapidly darting around the room, on everything but me. So I stepped towards him and angled myself so Colin couldn’t help but look me in the eye. Since we were just about to head for the showers we were both only wearing towels around our waists.

 

“Listen… _uhm_ … Colin I know we’ve never talked about this before and I may be out of line. Hell, you probably don’t want to _know_ this much about me but a good friend of mine taught me to take life by the horns.” I chuckled, thinking of Jack (and horns) and leaned up against the cold metal locker as casually as I could under the circumstances. “He also taught me that we don’t need to…” I sighed and hesitated, hating the tight coil in my gut. It was, I realized, due to the nagging dread about how Colin was going to react to my declaration. “… Uhm... fit ourselves into such… restrictive categories when it comes to sexuality.”

 

Colin was staring at me intently. Confusion and anxiety were plain on his face but there was a little something else there as well. “Ahh… what do you mean?” he finally managed.

 

I sighed dramatically and told him, “You’re not making this very easy.” I'm sure there was a good sized smirk on my face. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be obtuse. I just… don’t know what you mean. Really.” Damn, he was really starting to freak out. There was all kinds of finger scrunching and lip biting. Very distracting. Especially the lip biting.

 

“Fair enough. But first I want to be clear, I’m not coming on to you. You’re my friend and I just want to be honest with you.” Oh lord, I'm a dirty rotten lying liar.

 

“Okay.” Colin was standing very straight and he wore a tight smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

“Before, when you asked me if I was with the Inspector, I think I may have given you the wrong idea. I wasn’t offended or anything like that when you suggested we were together because I’ve been with men before. I’ve also been with women. I like them both. But I'm not attracted to the Inspector, at all. So… do you understand me now?”

 

“Definitely. You are just friends with the Inspector and you… are bi.”

 

“Okay, close enough. Are we alright?”

 

“Ya. Why wouldn’t we be?” His voice kind of squeaked.

 

“Most guys would be freaking out right about now.” It took everything I had to keep the grin from stretching across my face. Like he wasn't freaking out.

 

“Well, maybe…” He pursed his lips and carefully looked to the left and then to the right ensuring we were alone before he continued. “Maybe I’m more flexible than most guys.”

 

“Good to know.” Now, I couldn’t help but grin. I pushed away from the locker and for just a second dipped right into Colin’s personal space bubble. I grabbed my shower bag and started walking towards the showers.

 

Colin stood stunned for a moment and then followed quickly behind.

 

By the time Colin got there I was already soaping up and rinsing off. I was facing towards the wall and it probably looked like I had my eyes closed. Colin chose the shower stall on the other side of a short partition.

 

His eyes seemed to have a mind of their own. They kept wandering towards the soapy young man next to him. His eyes trailed down the smooth curve of my spine down past my waist. Without meaning to he found himself checking out my firm, nicely shaped arse and he quickly closed his eyes. _Fuck,_ he thought,  _I’m getting a damn hard-on!_

 

The more he tried to avoid looking at my wet soapy body the more his own body responded.  He quickly turned away so that his back was to me. Seeing no other alternative, he turned the hot water dial off. He was immediately struck by a wall of freezing cold water. The pain took him by surprise and he let out a strangled yelp against all his better judgement.

 

“You okay? What’s wrong? You run out of hot water?” I had purposely turned towards the wall and averted my eyes. I’d been certain Colin would turn tail and run home when I’d headed for the shower. I was extremely surprised when I heard him come around the corner. I’d been struggling to not think of Colin, naked, wet and soapy, standing way too close. Then I heard Colin shout and I my eyes flew open. Colin had his back to me and he looked tense and… was he shaking?

 

“Yep. Sorry. I must have turned it the wrong way.” Colin held himself in the stream of freezing water until his hard-on shrank away. Then he stepped out of the water and reset the temperature. He was still turned away from me. He couldn’t trust himself to not steal a peak of my oh so tempting body.

 

“Seriously. Colin? Are you okay? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable before. I really didn’t mean to fuck things up.”

 

“No. Ianto you didn’t fuck things up. And don’t apologize. Never apologize for being forthright.” He still couldn’t bring himself to turn around and face me.

 

Neither one of us spoke. Colin concentrated on warming his now shivering body up to a decent temperature. I on the other hand, made the mistake of keeping my eyes open. I found myself admiring Colin’s broad shoulders, his well-muscled arms. Then my eyes roamed down his curved spine, over his gorgeous arse and finally they caressed his long lean legs. I groaned and turned away before Colin could catch me starring open mouthed at his luscious curves.

 

Colin was still acutely aware of my presence and he thought he heard me groan. Colin chanced a quick look and caught me in the process of turning around with my eyes clenched shut and hands spread out over my groin. It looked suspiciously like I was trying to hold down an erection. _Holy shit,_ he swore _. Maybe I’m not the only one._

Colin cleared his throat before he spoke. “Ianto?”

 

“Yes.” I didn’t turn around.

 

“Before. You said… you weren’t coming on to me.” He sounded hesitant, unsure.

 

“Yes.” I still didn’t turn around.

 

“Does that mean you already have someone?” His voice was a bit quiet, nervous.

 

“What? No. I don’t.” I turned and caught the look in Colin’s eyes, questioning and hopeful. _How interesting_ , I thought _._

 

“Good.” Colin was working extremely hard at only looking at my face. He smiled and this time it did reach his eyes.

 

I smiled back. When I spoke this time there was humour laced through my voice. “So, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to say that just before we had a shower.”

 

Colin laughed so hard he had to bend over and brace himself on the wall. “Ya. You’re probably right,” he agreed.

 

We finished our shower up quickly and made our way back to our lockers. Every few minutes someone was caught subtly stealing a glance. We didn’t say much but there were chuckles and grins. Once we both had trousers safely on I decided to test the waters.

 

Colin was sitting on the bench trying to put his socks and shoes on. I sat down next to him letting our thighs brush lightly against each other. Colin’s hands stopped momentarily but when I didn’t do anything else he resumed tying his shoes.  Colin sat up slowly unsure of his next move. He bit his lip and looked at me.

 

“You always do that when you’re deciding what to do. You have a _bad_ poker face.” My voice was husky and low.

 

It sent shivers through Colin’s body and made his cock twitch. Thank goodness for layers. “Do what?” he asked. But before I could answer he added, quite indignantly, “And I am very good at poker, thank you very much.” 

 

“You have _a tell_. You bite your lip,” I told him playfully.

 

“I do not,” he protested indignantly.

 

I nodded. “I’m afraid so.” He was so much fun to tease.

 

“Damn. No one’s ever mentioned that before.” A little wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows.

 

“They probably didn’t want you to stop. It’s pretty sexy.” My eyes were smoky, my voice was raspy with desire and my body was tingly with anticipation but I made sure my voice didn’t carry.

 

Colin’s mouth parted and his heart started its way up his throat. “Really?” he replied in a low breathy voice.

 

“Absolutely.” I smirked and shifted a few centimeters closer.

 

Colin’s mouth was now drier than he ever imagined possible. He swallowed loudly and shook his head in self-disgust. _God, how embarrassing_. “I’ve a… never… kissed a guy before,” he whispered. He kept his eyes slightly downcast and struggled with composure.

 

“Wanna give it a try?” We were so close. My breath was warm against his cheek.

 

He turned his face until our noses nearly brushed against each other. He bit his lip again and finally met my blue eyes. Then his eyes sought out my slightly parted lips and he leaned in.

 

Our lips brushed tentatively causing a chain reaction of radiating warmth that began at our lips and spread outwards, leaving nerve endings alive and tingling.

 

I pulled away and gently stroked Colin’s jaw with my fingertips. I whispered, my breath caressing Colin’s mouth making him ache for another kiss. “Colin, I don’t think this is the best place. I get the feeling you’d rather not be caught kissing me here? Am I right?”

 

“Oh, shit.” He tensed and looked around furtively. “Ya, you’re right. I’m sorry but you’re right. I’ve got to work here.” Colin moved away stiffly - regretfully - but he quickly grabbed my hand and squeezed it warmly. “Ianto? Let’s grab dinner?” His tone was hopeful and a little apologetic.

 

“Sounds good.”

 

We finished getting dressed and spent the rest of the afternoon walking around aimlessly until we found a suitably cheap hole-in-the-wall pub for dinner.

 

“I love this place. They have the best deep-fried cheese.” He was famished and flushed from our afternoon of sexual tension.

 

“Do they have food? You know… vegetables?”

 

“I… I have no idea. I’ll get a menu.” Colin was still grinning like a loon when he handed me the menu.

 

“So are you a health freak or something?”

 

“Huuuh.” I sighed loudly with mock disapproval. “I need to stay in shape and that means eating healthy food. But I am not a health freak,” I protested.

 

“Just kidding.” He wasn’t sure whether I was actually annoyed at him or not and he didn’t want to insult me for being good to my body. _Phew and what a body he has_ , he thought.      

 

“I know,” I told him quickly. “You should try some green food though. It’ll make a difference in your energy levels.” My mind fell right into the gutter and the naughty smile that danced across my face declared it to the world.

 

Colin just happened to be taking a swallow of beer when I made my naughty face. The mouthful of beer almost made it across the table. His eyes began to water and he began gasping for breath. When his choking subsided he gave me a look that said _I’ll get you back for that!_

 

“Sorry,” I apologized quickly. “You okay? Need any CPR? I’m fully qualified.” That naughty glint was still dancing in my eyes.

 

“Maybe later,” he said as suggestively as he could through his mild coughing fit.

 

“Counting on it,” I told him.

 

“Cheeky bastard. Energy levels? What the hell are you talking about?”

 

“You know… stamina?” My lips twitched slightly.

 

“That’s what I thought you meant. You have a dirty mind.” He pretended to be shocked but he was enjoying our little dance just as much as I was.

 

“What? Me? I’m talking about lasting through the day at _work_ without feeling tired. I don’t know what _you’re_ talking about!”

 

“Oh right. Of course you are. My bad.”

 

The friendly banter and sexual innuendoes continued for several hours. We’d had several beers and several types of green food by the time we left the pub. Colin convinced me to walk him home. We both had the same thing on our minds, finding some place private. Our first kiss left us both needing more.

 

Colin led the way up to his flat and unlocked the door. He didn’t even wait to see if I followed him in. He went straight to the kitchen and turned on the kettle then went back to the entrance. He took my jacket and hung it up next to his. “I’m making some tea. You want?”

 

“Sure. I want very much.” I said softly and carefully.

 

Colin tilted his head and took a deep breath. Then he was pressing against my chest, hands on my shoulders, lips hovering. I captured his mouth and set out to devour him. Colin was coming undone under my thorough ministrations. He was struggling to remember where we were and this he realized was just from kissing me. Hands slid over and under clothes eliciting wanton moans. When I pressed my erection up against Colin’s thigh he gasped in surprise. I stopped kissing him then, remembering the first time I felt another man’s hard-on.

 

“You okay? Need a minute?” I steadied myself with a few deep breaths. “Maybe, I should go. Do you want me to go?” I asked at last.

 

Colin shook his head and pressed his lips together. “No. Don’t go… but… I’m gonna make some tea. Ya?” He nodded and bit his lip in the most delectable way.

 

“Sounds good. Let’s… just take it slowly,” I suggested.

 

“Yes. Thanks.”

 

Once his mind cleared enough to allow thought to resume, Colin busied himself with making tea. I sat myself down at the table and tried to decide what to do.

 

“Are you coming tonight?” I asked casually.

 

“Wh .. what?” he sputtered in confusion.

 

“To the poker game.” I chuckled.

 

“Ha,” he snorted. “Yes, if you don’t mind.”

 

“No, of course not.” _God, he’s on edge_ , I thought.

 

Colin brought two cups of steaming tea to the table and sat across from me. “So how the hell are we going to keep it together in public?” he asked. “I can barely think straight,” he admitted ruefully. “And I don’t think I can have a shower at the gym anymore if you are there.”

 

“Why?” I sounded a little hurt.

 

“Oh,” he snorted. “I can’t seem to keep my eyes to myself.” He grinned and the guilty expression told me what I needed to know.

 

“Actually, neither can I,” I told him. “It would be extremely embarrassing if the other guys were there. I don’t think they’d appreciate having to shower with a couple of guys with hard-ons.”

 

“I’ve never found… guys attractive before,” he confessed. “I don’t know how this happened. Did I just switch teams all of a sudden?” He was confused and apprehensive. He’d been brainwashed his whole life like most, to believe there was something wrong with him – with us.

 

“Listen Colin, there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t think of it as being on a team. Sometimes it’s the person and it doesn’t matter what sex they are; you’re just attracted to them.”

 

“Ianto, you are way braver than anyone I know.”

 

“I’m not,” I confessed. “Really, I can be such a coward.”

 

“I don’t believe that.”

 

We became lost in thought and neither one of us spoke for a few minutes while we drank our tea.

 

“I meant what I said before about taking it slow?” I assured him. “I think you need to be the one to set the pace. Okay?”

 

Colin nodded and said, “Okay, thank you… I think.”

 

I just smiled knowingly.

 

The Inspector was due to pick me up at home within the next hour and a half. We needed to figure out the logistics of the evening. “So, should I go home and get picked up there or?”

 

“No. I’ll drive us,” he said quickly.

 

“Then I’d better call the Inspector and let him know.” I took out my phone. He didn’t answer so I decided to send him a text instead.

 

_Having dinner_

_with Colin. He_

_will drive me_

_tonight. Meet_

_you there._

“Oh shit,” Colin blurted his eyes wide and fearful.

 

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I just realized something. Is he going to freak out? The Inspector?”

 

“No. Why would he?”

 

“Well, he seems kind of overly protective… of you. And I don’t fancy getting shot.”

 

“Don’t worry about that,” I laughed. “He’s met… other people I’ve dated before. He’ll be fine,” I promised.

 

“Who have you introduced him to?” He’d asked reflexively, as you would a friend. “Sorry, that was way too nosey,” he apologized quickly. “Forget I asked,” he back-pedalled looking embarrassed and uncomfortable.

 

“No. No. That’s alright. I’ve brought a few people around the club. Three, actually. Ah… a couple of girls and a guy I dated for a few months. He was totally cool about it. So were the other cops by the way.”

 

“Really? I have a hard time believing that.” He drank the rest of his tea, now cold. “I am so dead…” Colin was imagining an impromptu firing squad or perhaps a nice lynching. He gave himself nice _thwap_ on the forehead for good measure.

 

“Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Like I said… you set the pace… you… decide how we… act in public. It’s up to you,” I told him. “However you want it to be is fine with me.”

 

“You must think I’m a total coward. I feel really bad about panicking at the gym. It’s just that I don’t know… what this is… and I’d rather have some time to figure that out before I need to explain it to other people.”

 

“Listen Colin, I completely understand. You’ve got to believe me. I’ve been here, in this exact place. I really do understand. And I’m not mad or insulted or hurt. I can be patient. Trust me.”

 

“I do Ianto,” he assured me.

 

“Let’s get going. I fully intend on beating the pants off you tonight!”

 

“Ianto!” he exclaimed with mock scandal.

 

“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. Besides, it’s just a figure of speech!”

 

“Ya, right.”

 

 

***

 

 

“ **ANTE UP IANTO!”** Inspector Donaldson always enjoyed a good game of poker with me even though I played like a shark. It was great fun watching the other cops lose. _That’s what you get for underestimating my boy,_ he thought.

 

The Inspector caught Colin’s attention before he spoke. “You’ll never guess who tried to invite himself to the club tonight.”

 

Colin had no idea. He just shrugged. “I have no idea. Who?”

 

“That _Bryce_ guy. He’s a bit of a twat if you ask me. It’d drive me crazy if I had to sit through an hour of him prattling on about himself - never mind a whole night.”

 

_Bryce? Why was the Inspector talking about Bryce?  And why was he talking to Colin about him?_

It seemed that I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. Colin’s face was a bit too pink and he avoided making eye contact with me for several minutes. Inspector Donaldson on the other hand, was nearly gleeful. He was obviously enjoying a private joke.

 

The game went well into the night and the atmosphere went from moments of tension to the whole lot of them breaking down into chuckles. Over all, it was a good group. They were competitive but they were also good losers when need be.

 

Inspector Donaldson was out for the next round. He wanted a chance to sit back and observe. He noticed something he’d never noticed before. Colin was acting funny. He was jumpy and nervous and his face was flushed like he was scared or embarrassed. _The kid’s acting plain weird_ , he mused. He thought I on the other hand was exuding a strange mix of confidence and mischievousness. And earlier when we took a break from the game he thought he saw me flirting with Colin. _No,_ he thought _. Couldn’t be_.

 

I folded and I bowed out of the next round. Colin suggested a drink and I followed him to the bar. The Inspector waited until we’d placed our orders and then sauntered up slowly behind us. _Yep,_ he thought,  _that was definitely an intentional brush of the hand_. _You’ve got to hand it to the kid,_ he thought to himself, _he has no compunctions about going for what he wants… be it female or male apparently_. He didn’t mind either way. Actually, he found it kind of refreshing how nonchalant I’d been about bringing my dates to the club. Nobody batted an eye when I brought that pretty fella around and nobody would say a bad thing about me behind my back either. They thought I was a solid kid. They all liked me. And if I liked both men and women well then all the power to me. He could still have a little fun though. He felt it was his duty as my friend.

 

“What ever happened to beating the pants off me?” Colin teased suggestively.

 

“Listen, if we were playing strip poker I’d have you buck naked by now…” I retorted with confidence.

 

“ _Ahem_ …you two boys having fun?” Inspector Donaldson had slithered up behind us without either of one noticing.

 

“Ah! Uh… yes sir. Very fun.” Colin stumbled through his reply.

 

“Good, glad to hear it.” He grinned at Colin; he was in prisoner interrogation mode. “Ianto you’re doing pretty well tonight but I get the feeling your heart’s just not in the game. You seem a little distracted? Everything okay?” His voice was as smooth as silk, the kind of voice best used for lulling your prey into a false sense of security.

 

“Yes, Inspector. I’m great. Thanks for asking. How about you? You having a good time?” _Deflect him – distract him – divert him away from Colin_ , my inner-defender screamed.

 

“Well, I’ve lost all my money so I’m done playing for the night,” he admitted. “I’ve been enjoying the show though.” He leaned up against the bar, arms crossed. His grin had taken on a shark-like quality, gleaming predatorily in the dim lighting.

 

“The show? What show are you talking about sir?” Colin was very afraid he knew exactly which show the Inspector was referring to.

 

“Oh, you know… the Ianto and Colin show. You two are pretty subtle but unfortunately for you I’ve spent a lot of time observing Ianto and I know something’s up.” He was so pleased with himself for figuring it out. Typical cop.

 

I snapped to attention and almost leap the distance between us. “Inspector, you’re the devil and you know it,” I accused him. “So, be nice, please. You’re going to give Colin a stroke.” I muttered the last part and pitched it so that the Inspector heard it and hopefully Colin didn’t.

 

“Oh, I’m just joking. Can’t an old fella like me have a little bit of fun? Just thought I’d throw a warning shot over the bow.” He looked directly at Colin who looked like he was currently calculating the nearest escape route.

 

I could only smirk and shake my head. But after glancing at Colin’s throbbing forehead vein I promptly bit my lip and tried to look conciliatory.

 

“You two be good now. See you tomorrow.” He turned on his heel and made to leave but it seemed he had something else to say. “Oh and Ianto,” he walked up to stand between the two of us, placed a hand congenially on both our shoulders and then said quietly, “try not to break him. I need him to be able to work tomorrow.” He gave us a huge, almost gleeful smile and promptly left us standing there frozen in place.

 

I didn’t dare a glance at Colin’s face nor utter a single word for that matter. The ground was suddenly the most fascinating thing.

 

He didn’t even move for a whole minute. Speechless was an inadequate word for Colin’s current state of mind.

 

I turned towards the bar and swiftly picked up both our drinks. I put a glass in each of Colin’s hands and then pulled him towards the patio. I closed the door behind us and pulled Colin to the furthest corner. “Drink,” I commanded “drink it all, if you can.”

 

Colin complied and drank his rather large scotch without a second thought. I took the empty glass away and set it on the nearest table. I looked pointedly at the other and gave Colin an emphatic nod. Again, he complied with nary any hesitation.

 

“Okay, now I need you to breath. It’s really important. Oh, and give me your keys. Obviously, I’m driving.” When Colin continued to stand immobile and slightly glassy eyed I reached into his jacket pocket and took his keys. He didn’t flinch or argue. _Oh shit. You bastard look what you’ve done. Why? Why do you have to be such a fucker? Colin did not need this_.

 

“Colin… I’m so sorry. I’ll go back in there now and give him a piece of my mind if you want. I’m right pissed. He’s such a shit disturber. He had no right to do that…”

 

Colin held up a hand and cleared his throat. “No. Stop. Don’t do anything. He was just fucking about. And I’m fine now. But… can we please get the hell out of here.” His voice was steady, too steady.

 

“Absolutely.” We left out the side door and took the long way back to the car. I figured Colin needed a few extra minutes to clear his head. I was going to get the Inspector back for this, no doubt about it.

 

“You sure you can drive this?” Colin was slurring a little by the time I got the door open and he looked a lot more relaxed. “Not sure drinking four shots of scotch in one go was such a good idea Ianto.”

 

“I think the situation warranted it, extreme measures and all that. You… ah… looked like you were in shock back there. I wasn’t sure what you were going to do.”

 

“How about die of embarrassment? Is that possible?” Colin laid his head back against the head rest and closed his eyes. He didn’t feel so bad just now but man that had been fucking horrible. ‘That was fucking horrible,” he declared. “ _Absolutely – fucking – horrible_.”

 

“I know. It really was. I’m so sorry. Listen, I… Oh, I have no idea what I should say.” _Damn the Inspector. He doesn’t think. He’s such… he’s such an insensitive damn guy_ , I cursed him inwardly.

 

“I know. It’s not your fault. It’s just embarrassment. I’ll get over it.” But he groaned loudly when he thought of tomorrow. What a way to come out of the closet. _Fuck!_ “Oh, tomorrow is going to suck.”

 

I winced and nodded.

 

Colin’s flat was a good fifteen minutes by car from the club. I was extremely relieved when we arrived. “ _Phew_ … we’re here.”

 

“Finally.”

 

I handed the keys to Colin and stood there a moment in the parking lot unsure of what I should do now. I’d need to call a cab since there weren’t any buses running at this time of night. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m just going to…”

 

“Don’t be daft. Come on,” he insisted.

 

“But-“ I was certain he wouldn’t want anything to do with me after this fiasco.

 

“Nope. Just come on.” Colin was already opening the outside door to his flat.

 

“Okay. I’ll just come in and call a cab.” I acquiesced but only so I wouldn’t have to walk all the way home.

 

We made it up three flights of stairs and found the correct door but the dimly lit hallway was giving Colin problems. “Ianto d’ya want to help me here? Can’t see. All you need to do is put it in the slot and turn the key.” He started snorting and giggling at his own joke. “Oh come on! That was funny and extremely dirty. Just like you.”

 

I couldn’t keep the smirk from forming and chuckled as I opened the door.

 

“Ah. Home sweet home.” He dropped his coat on the floor. “I’ve missed you,” he declared to the room. “Nice couch. Good couch.” He patted, petted and stroked the coach. Colin was starting to feel his scotch now. The room was spinning. 

 

I followed him into the living room and sat beside him on the couch. “So, I’ll just use your phone…” I began.

 

“In a little while,” he bent forward and dropped his head down between his knees. “You really shouldn’t leave yet,” he mumbled. Then started to giggle. It went on for a little too long and when it started to take on a somewhat hysterical edge, I became concerned. Justly so, I felt, as it was not a sound that normally came out of his mouth.

 

“Are you okay? I’m concerned. I don’t know what I should do.” I actually started to wring my hands. I really know how to fret.

 

“Break me? How are you going to break me exactly? Ha… _ahhh_ … it’s pretty funny. I mean… we’ve kissed once. I’ve kissed you once and now… what a way to be outed. Fuck me.” He breathed a deep sigh and then he looked at me and thought, I was looking concerned and well… extremely kissable. He couldn’t help licking his lips and he really couldn’t help staring at my extremely suckable lips and my pink little tongue and… “Shit. You have gorgeous lips,” he blurted. He started moving towards me.

 

 _Fuck_ _it’s getting extremely hot in here_ , I mused. “Colin…” I began to protest but was summarily cut off when Colin’s lips crashed down onto mine. _I’m going to hell_ … I thought.

 

The living room suddenly felt like a sauna… like making out in the back seat of a car when the windows get all steamed up. I didn’t remember unbuttoning my shirt and I surely didn’t remember throwing it across the room. It was all I could do to keep up. Colin was all tongue and teeth and lips and hands and mouth. And I was all… _I’m going to hell… I’m going to hell… oh but what an arse he has_ and _oooh those arms_ …  

 

Suddenly, my sense of decency reared its demanding head. “Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.” I protested, I pulled back. Then I started to ramble. “Colin… you have to stop. I can’t _believe_ I’m saying this but you’ll never forgive me and I’ll never forgive myself… you’ve been drinking… actually I got you drunk… really drunk… and you don’t know what you’re doing… and…” My words were practically bitten off and then licked off and then I lost my train of thought entirely.

 

After a few moments Colin took a breath. “I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m kissing you. Aren’t you kissing me?” he asked me innocently.

 

I groaned. “I think if you have to ask that kind of question then you may be under the influence of alcohol.”

 

“Funny,” he countered. “That’s not what I meant. Besides I’m sobering up pretty fast. Must be the adrenalin mixed with the endorphins. I know exactly what we’re doing. And it feels pretty good.” He punctuated that statement by nipping my earlobe. He was delighted when I moaned. “I want to hear you make that noise again Ianto. I want to…” he trailed off.

 

“Tell me… what _do_ you want?” I insisted, trying to be the responsible one.

 

“I…” he paused and bit his lip before continuing, “I just want to touch you. If that’s okay? I mean… I…” he blushed and shook his head side to side, “I have no idea what I’m doing – obviously.”

 

“It’s not so obvious from where I’m lying.” I was lying on my back with Colin draped over me. He had a thigh between my legs and I could feel exactly how aroused Colin was as it was straining between us. “In fact, I’d say you know exactly how to do this.” I gripped his arse and pulled him hard against me forcing a gasp from between Colin’s parted lips. And what a sweet, sweet sound.

 

“It’s so damn hot in here,” he said, his words sounded like an aroused sigh.

 

“Um hmm,” I agreed.

 

“I don’t think” _Kiss_ “You” _kiss_ “Need to worry about waiting.” _Kiss… kiss_.

 

“I’m going to hell…” I resumed my mantra out loud this time.

 

“And why is that?” he demanded.

 

“Well, let’s see.” I assembled my thoughts, lawyer style. “I’m seducing my sparring partner, whom I’ve gotten drunk, after a very stressful public encounter, on his living room floor. Said partner who’s never been with a man before and who isn’t really sure…”

 

“I’m sure. I am positive. Now, shut up will you?” Colin began running his fingertips across my hairy chest, lightly brushing my nipples, across my collarbone, down my sensitive ribs and then across my stomach. His breathing was rapid and his fingers were a little shaky as he undid my button. He swallowed and then bit his lower lip before he slowly slipped the zipper down. I shuddered as the zipper vibrated over my cock and fought against thrusting against his hand.

 

 _Control yourself,_ I told myself sternly. _Piss off_ , I replied.

 

I sat up and pulled my pants off before leaning over Colin. I kissed him wet and hard and pressed him down onto his back. “Let me.” I looked at Colin and waited for a nod before undoing his trousers which I unceremoniously tossed over my shoulder.

 

I dipped my head and ran my tongue across his firm belly. Colin jerked at the sensation and he balled his hands up at his sides. I reached for his right hand and brought his fingers one by one into my mouth.

 

The dazed look on Colin’s face was pure sex. His eyes were glazed, his pupils were blown, his cheeks flushed pink and his lips were swollen and slightly parted. And oh god…his tongue…

 

I sat astride Colin and leaned forward. Our hard cocks pressed together, separated only by thin fabric of our boxers. I kept one hand threaded together as I continued to lick my way up Colin’s torso. I rolled my hips and increased the friction between our bodies. I licked into the dips between muscles and I licked along his flanks drawing gasps and wiggles and deep groans of anticipation. When I reached Colin’s throat I whispered in his ear. “Are you okay with this? Do you want me to slow down?”

 

“God – no!” he gasped. “I mean – I’m good, I’m great. But please don’t slow down,” he whimpered. “Don’t’ stop,” he pleaded.

 

I slid down his body, flesh sliding across flesh until I reached his groin. Through the thin fabric, I wrapped my lips around the tip of Colin’s twitching cock. The groans rumbling out of Colin throat were hoarse and desperate. I kept my eyes locked on Colin’s as I slid his damp boxers down his legs. I slid once again between his legs and ran my hands up the insides of his thighs, teasing with my fingertips.

 

“Ahh! .. you trying to kill me?” he gasped out.

 

“Nope.” I could only grin. “Would you like me to suck you?”

 

Colin’s throat flushed red and then he nodded. “Yes, please.”

 

I didn’t need any more encouragement than that. I ran my tongue from base to head. When I flicked my tongue inside his slit Colin almost sat up. He was intensely aroused, his cock leaking fiercely. I kept my eyes locked on his and started licking and swirling. At this point Colin was struggling to keep his eyes open. He was so overwhelmed by the sensation of my hot, wet mouth wrapped around his aching cock. Just when he thought he’d die from pleasure I sucked him straight down my throat. Colin let out a shout that surprised both of us.

 

“Oh, fuck, Ianto… I can’t… I can’t…”

 

“Mmmmmm,” I vibrated the sound in my throat.

 

And then Colin lost it. And I kept on sucking. I sucked and I licked until I’d wrung every last drop of cum from his orgasm. I slid up and wrapped my arms around Colin who was very lost in sensation. I kissed his throat, then behind his ear and then his lips.

 

“Thank you. That was amazing,” he said after a moment.

 

“My pleasure,” I replied through a toothy grin.

 

“Not yet.” And then Colin proceeded to return the favor.

 

.

**_To be continued in…  Awakenings of the Heart_ **

 


	5. Awakenings of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/content: swearing, character death and angst  
> Summary: Ianto undergoes a series of awakenings. He gains some valuable insight into his relationships with his family.  
> Ianto’s New Timeline: 01/03/02 – 12/xx/02  
> Characters: Ianto, Rhi, Dad, Inspector Donaldson, doctors

 

 

 

> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>  
> 
> ##  _May 18, 2002_
> 
> _I haven’t slept at my own place all week. Colin’s great. The self-defense class is going much better. I don’t suck quite as much as before. The Inspector has been behaving well lately.  The library is quiet and reliably boring. I like my coworkers a lot. I’ve found some leads on some sightings. It might be what I’m looking for. Something about a frequency?_
> 
> _I’ve skipped a few classes this week and my Crim prof gave me shit about it. Finals are coming up soon. I need to stick with the game plan. I’ve just been slacking off. I need to refocus and stop thinking with my dick._
> 
> _Dad is looking tired. It’s coming, I know it. I just can’t believe it. I want to warn Rhi so badly. I want to tell her to bring the kids ‘round and to stop making excuses. She’ll never forgive herself. I need to… I wish I could just tell her. I wish I could confide in someone, someone who’d believe me._
> 
> _My memories are fading a bit and it’s starting to freak me out. It’s like I’m living two lives at the same time. I can’t remember dates for everything. I have to keep reminding myself. I have to keep reading my journal so I don’t forget. It’s like my new experiences are pushing my past-future out of my long term memory. I’m terrified that I’ll forget. I can’t forget._
> 
> **_TO DO:_ ** _buy lube, go to classes you dumb arse, call Rhi, remember_
> 
> **_NOT TO DO:_ ** _don’t skip classes, don’t forget to call Dad – see him this weekend_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

 

 

***

 

 

 **I LET MYSELF** in as I did quite frequently. It was a gorgeous June day. I was looking forward to a walk in the park with Dad.

 

One moment I was humming tunelessly to myself and the next I was working my key frantically in the lock.

 

I heard the screech of Rhi’s ‘angry voice’ coming from the second floor. I sped up my pace and made my way up the stairs.

 

I rounded the corner and the sight I saw made my heart clench. Rhi was literally shaking her fist at Dad. Her face was livid and I swore I could see steam spiralling out of her ears; she was pissed. Dad on the other hand just looked defeated.

 

I stood there for a moment or two trying to pick up the gist of their fight. He’d said something hurtful to her delightful husband Johnny. She abruptly finished her tirade ending with a _‘you won’t be seeing me anytime soon’_ and flew out of the room with a dramatic swoosh.

 

I wasn’t having any of this. I followed her down to the front step. She’d stopped running and was crying and stomping her feet in frustration. She’d always hated to cry; it made her feel so weak. 

 

I stood quietly and waited for her to calm herself down. It wouldn’t due to push her at this point, not until she came down a few notches.

 

“Yan. Sorry,” she said between tears. “Didn’t mean to ruin your visit. I’m just so fed up!”

 

“You haven’t ruined anything, Rhi. Tell me what happened?”

 

“He’s just being his old self again – judgemental, cruel and thoughtless…”

 

“Rhi… stop just a minute… please. I need to… talk to you about something. It’s important.” I approached her and began lowering my voice. I didn’t want Dad to hear.

 

“Okay. I’m listening.” She was still irritated but seemed a bit calmer. Perhaps I’d deflated some of her thunder with my change of subject tactics.

 

“It sounds like you’re really upset and I’m guessing you have good reason to be. But there’s something you need to know.” I struggled for the right words. I’d been holding this in for years and now she was about to waste his last few months or so on this Earth and she’d never forgive herself. “Have you noticed how sick he is? He’s been failing for the last year…”

 

“What the hell are you talking about? He’s not sick! He’s just drunk. There’s a huge difference. He doesn’t deserve my pity. He’s treating my husband like a bastard and I’ll not have it!”

 

“Believe me Rhi. I understand. You’re right, he is drunk a lot of the time and he does treat Johnny like crap. But that’s not what I’m talking about. He doesn’t have much time left. He’s really sick Rhi. I’m not asking you to give him a free pass. But you’ll never forgive yourself if you leave things like this and the worst should happen…” 

 

“He hasn’t said anything to me. What did he say to you?”

 

“He hasn’t said a word. But I know he’s been to see the doctor about some chest pains. He wouldn’t tell me what the doctor said but I’ve seen him clutch his chest when he thinks I’m not looking. He’s in a lot of pain. He’s not faking and it’s not just booze. I think it’s his heart. And I’m worried. Haven’t you noticed how pale and weak he is?”

 

She took in a deep breath and then let it out in a sharp huff. “Shit. You’re right. I thought he just had the flu. Why didn’t he say anything?”

 

“Pride maybe? Didn’t want to worry us? I don’t know.”

 

“You know, he almost fell down the stairs yesterday. Johnny made a quip about him being drunk before lunch. And that’s when Dad laid into him. Shit, Yan. He must be so stressed out.”

 

“I think he is. He’s trying hide it. It must be exhausting. He needs us. He needs our love and understanding. We need him, too. So please, won’t you talk to him at least?”

 

She nodded briskly and then wrapped her long arms around me. She hugged me tightly and held me for a moment before letting go. When she stepped back, she had a determined look on her face. I let out the breath I was holding in. We went back in together. And together we had a chat with Dad about keeping secrets.

 

“Dad? We need to talk.” She sat down at the table across from Dad and gently took his hand in hers.

 

“Rhi, I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean to be such an arse to your husband. He just… really pissed me off. I wasn’t drunk…”

 

“I know Dad. It’s okay. He didn’t know what he was talking about. But I don’t think that’s entirely his fault is it?” She attempted to convey every drop of compassion she felt for him with a small but heartfelt smile.

 

He looked from her to me and just nodded his head. The game, apparently, was up. The secret was out. “No, not really his fault. Seeing as how I wasn’t exactly forthcoming about how… ill I’ve been. I just… didn’t want to worry you two and the kids… I don’t want them to look at me any differently. I don’t want them to be afraid.”

 

“Life’s too short Dad. We want to be there for you – especially when you need us. You’ve always done your best to be there for us when we needed you.”

 

I was grateful that I’d arrived when I did. It was more than a coincidence. Of that I was sure. Synchronicity, it seemed, could actually work in my favour. We started going with him to the doctor and the kids were more than helpful after school. Now that the secret was out of the bag, all the mysterious tension that had kept us from really connecting as a family had all but disappeared. We’d been given a gift, second chances – for all of us.

 

 

***

 

 **I SAT THROUGH** my morning classes, dutifully, taking notes, nodding at the appropriate times, highlighting even, and yet I felt my brain might actually implode from the mind numbing boredom. _Just going through the motions, again._ I looked around at the eager fresh faces and couldn’t help hoping that at least some of them felt equally unchallenged. There had to be someone else who felt the same. I couldn’t be the only one not riveted. _Surely not_.

 

 

***

 

 

 **IN HIS OFFICE** , the Inspector eased his wobbly desk chair back and balanced precariously on two legs. He closed his eyes and wrapped his hands behind his head, lost in a fantasy world of exciting car chases and busted in doors.

 

 

His aid, having peeked through the door window, eased his way into the office quietly and gently cleared his throat. He may have thought he was being helpful but his sudden appearance resulted in a panicked teetering and a few colorful swears before the older man managed to get all four legs back on the ground. His young aid blushed and shrank back from his startled superior expecting to be thoroughly dressed down but was both shocked and relieved when the Inspector merely chuckled and willingly admitted he’d caught him daydreaming.

 

“Sir? Sorry Sir. There’s an urgent call for Mr. Jones. It’s the hospital Sir.  His father. Is he expected soon?”

 

Inspector Donaldson stilled then stood up abruptly. He quickly made his way around his desk and had relieved his aid of the message before he could speak another word.

 

“Thank you. I’ll see to it. Dismissed.” He hadn’t yet looked up from the detailed message. He checked his watch and then grabbed his coat from behind the door.

 

“Thank you, Sir,” the aid said quietly, recognizing the concern and fear which plainly marred the Inspectors face.

 

He was walking briskly through the foyer towards me just as I walked through the front door. I saw the dire look on my mentor’s face and immediately rushed to his side. “Sir? Inspector? What’s wrong?” I had no idea what might cause my friend to be so stricken and was not expecting what I heard.

 

“Come with me.” He took me by the arm and pulled me along towards his car at a quick jog. He unlocked the car and jumped in before he even passed me the message. He didn’t even wait for me to read it completely before he tore out of the parking lot at a break neck speed. He had all the details and knew exactly where my father had been taken.

 

“Oh, fuck,” was all I said.  I knew this was coming. I’d known for so long. Still, the reality settled on me painfully, pressing down on my chest, making it so very hard to breathe. I felt so grateful to have someone like the Inspector by my side, someone who would gladly look out for me. I wanted so desperately to express my gratitude but the words just wouldn’t form. Fear kept them locked behind my lips, down my throat, down where the pounding of my heart threatened to break through my chest.

 

I’d finally finished reading the message. I stared blankly out the window for a moment while I steadied my breath. I turned my head towards my mentor and friend who was currently breaking any number of traffic and safety laws as he tried desperately to get me to the hospital in time.

 

The Inspector’s mind was focussed on his quiet passenger. He was driving like our lives depended on it. But it was more than that really, he felt so helpless and he figured that at the very least he could do something useful, something helpful, like driving me to the hospital. All he could think was, _I have to get him there in time_. 

 

“Thank you.” I uttered strangled words through a tightened throat.

 

“Of course, Ianto. We’re almost there. Just another minute. I’ll drop you at the door and then I’ll park. I’ll come and find you as soon as I can. He’s going to be alright.” He willed his words to be true. He silently prayed to the God he hadn’t spoken to in decades. _Please,_ he pleaded, _he’s a good boy. Just give him some time._

I caught the desperate gleam and nodded. The second we came to a stop I jumped out of the car and ran.

 

My sister grabbed me as I tore around the corner nearly smashing into a patient in a wheelchair. “He’s alive – He’s _alive_ – Stop – Ianto – We can see him in a few minutes. He’s just come out of surgery.” Her words tumbled out of her mouth. I didn’t think she could speak any faster if she tried. “He had a heart attack. But he called at the first signs and they – they – he was so lucky” The tears just poured down her red stained face. I couldn’t speak. I just held her arms in a desperate vice like grip. We looked into each other’s eyes. We knew this day was coming. We had to take care of each other, now, more than ever.

 

“Are you alone?” I scanned the waiting room, tried to find a familiar face – her husband, her children.

 

“Yes, I came as soon as I got the call. He told them to call us both from the ambulance. He had our numbers written on a piece of paper. It was in his breast pocket.” She started hiccupping as the panic set in. “Ohhhh God… Ianto… he must have known… he must have felt ill… why didn’t he call us sooner? Why?” She tucked her face into my shirt collar and held me tightly and allowed tears of frustration to flow freely.

 

We were standing in the middle of the hallway, holding each other, when the Inspector came jogging around the corner. He skidded to a stop a few paces away, now unsure if he should intrude. But I saw him out of the corner of my eye and waved him over.

 

“Rhi? I want you to meet Inspector Donaldson. He’s a good friend to me. He brought me here.” This was the first time my family and work had intersected. It was about time I introduced them to each other.

 

She swiped absentmindedly at her eyes, more to clear her vision than anything and took his offered hand and shook it tightly. “Thank you,” she said gravely. She meant it. “And not just for driving him today. You’ve made a real difference in his life. So, thank you.”

 

“It is truly my honor and my pleasure. He’s a good lad, an excellent student and a good friend.” He smiled brightly at both Rhi and I. His heart swelled with pleasure at her words. He was so proud to have made such a difference and to be told so by my sister.

 

The doctor swooped through the swinging doors and made a beeline straight for us. “That’s him, that’s the doctor,” she murmured.

 

The doctor wore a well-practiced indeterminate expression. He spoke in quiet, confident tones and told us that he was still critical and that another heart attack was imminent. We were taken to see him and only allowed a short visit until he was moved out of the intensive care unit. He wasn’t very lucid but he’d gripped our hands when we spoke. We told him to hold on, to fight that we were waiting just outside his room. They moved him to a different unit within the hour. All the while, Inspector Donaldson gently ushered us two to where we needed to be and his warm protective manner provided the comfort we needed to get through the next few precarious hours.

 

Once Dad was securely ensconced in his hospital room, connected to beeping flashing machines, connected to oxygen, connected to intravenous tubes, I sank down exhausted into the nearest chair and tried not to break down. I sat next to Dad’s bedside, holding his fragile hand – strange how I never noticed how fragile his hands were before now – and laid my cheek down on the bed and waited for Dad to wake up.

 

Rhi went home to tuck her kids in and would return as soon as she could. We’d agreed she needed to prepare them. They were so young to lose their Granddad.

 

It was hours later when she returned and forced me to go in search of real food. The Inspector had left hours ago and had promised to come back the next day. He made me promise I would call if I needed anything. I wandered in the direction of the canteen unsure if I could eat, if my strained body would allow me to eat. I felt entirely disconnected from my physical form and desperately tried to remain calm. I just couldn’t panic. It wouldn’t do me any good and it certainly wouldn’t do my sister any good. I would be strong.

 

They put a cot in the room so we could rest. Throughout the night, we took turns taking short naps. Neither of us would leave Dad’s side.

 

He woke late that next morning, groggy and pained. He gripped our hands fiercely and was grateful for his children’s love. He spoke for a few minutes before he drifted off but it was sleep – real sleep – the nurse assured us, which was good.

 

 

 

> ***
> 
>  
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>   
> 
> 
> _11/28/02_
> 
> _Dad had a heart attack yesterday. It was bad. I was terrified. I thought that was it. He’s resting now, thank the powers that be. He’s staying awake a little longer each time and they’re monitoring him closely. They’re going to do some more tests on his heart today. I need to sleep. I can’t sleep. I’m afraid I’ll miss something. What if he wakes and he needs me? What if he doesn’t?_
> 
> _I fucking hate hospitals. Hospital chairs suck. God, I wish I could do something, anything to change this._
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

***

 

 

 **_SUNLIGHT SLANTED THROUGH_ ** _the window and reflected off numerous sterile metal surfaces scattered about the hospital room leaving sparkling starbursts dancing on the ceiling. He opened his eyes and they were the first thing he saw. They were gorgeous; tiny little rainbows and stars danced on the ceiling, so shiny and bright. He shifted his head to the right where he knew his son would be._

_His son, his fine son, so kind and clever; he’d watched him grow – no flourish – over the last few years. He’d never expected great things from him. Sure he was clever enough – more so actually but he just wasn’t grounded enough. But something had happened. He wasn’t sure what it was but it was so obvious now. It was like he just woke up one day and decided to make something of his life. He couldn’t be more proud._ “Ianto…” he rasped.

 

 

***

 

 

 **I JERKED AWAKE** from my light dozing; I hadn’t been able to really sleep. “Dad, you’re awake. How do you feel? Want dome water? You must be thirsty. Here let me…” I jumped up and busied myself with making my Dad comfortable. It was all I could do really. It’s not like I could actually change anything.

 

“Yes… thirsty.” He drank slowly, with difficulty. His throat felt so papery, so weak. His body was giving out on him; he could feel his life slipping away.

 

“Well… Dad,” I sighed. “You’re looking better today. Much stronger, I’d say. Are you hungry? The nurse said you could have some soup if you felt up to it?” My words came out in a tumble.

 

“Okay. Thanks. You’re a good boy.” He patted my hand. He wanted to say so many things… but where to start?

 

I fed him happily and kept up the steady stream of chatter. I tried to joke like normal, told him about the latest work gossip and rambled on about Colin for a bit.

 

“I’m glad you’ve found someone, son, even if he is… a man. Just be happy. Doesn’t matter what anybody says. Remember that. Screw ‘em. Hear me? Just be happy. Promise me?” After a few spoons of soup his voice started to come back in strength. He was fierce and determined that he’d get his say once and for all.

 

I blinked, gulped and nodded at my Dad. “Thanks Dad. That… that means the world to me. I know you don’t like the idea of me dating men… so thanks for saying that.” I was struggling to hold back the flood of tears that threatened to fall but didn’t; instead they lingered and burned behind my eyes.

 

He gripped my hand and shook it roughly. “Promise me…” he insisted.

 

I nodded and smiled. I leaned forward, closer to my Dad, placed a warm hand on his shoulder and quietly said, “Dad. I promise you. I will do what makes me happy. I promise.”

 

“Good boy.” He was satisfied for now. He patted my leg in approval.

 

Rhi walked in carrying a couple of cups of coffee and a bag of delectable baked goods. She passed a cup and the bag over to me and we switched places. I sat by the window and drank down the nectar of the gods with gratitude and watched as Rhi presented him with a little surprise. The kids had made their Granddad a get well card and he was clutching it tightly, eyes shining with pride.

 

It was finally time to run those tests and the nurse told us to come back in an hour or so. Rhi and I decided to take a walk around the hospital grounds. It was peaceful, quiet and gave us a much needed reprieve from the stark antiseptic hospital room.

 

When we came back to the room we were met by the specialist who had some news. “He’s suffered some serious damage. Unfortunately, we can’t repair it surgically. It’s… wear and tear,” he added with a shrug. Not exactly a comforting gesture coming from a specialist.

 

After the specialist left , we sat together in silence for a few minutes and then she turned to me and reached for my hand. “This is it, isn’t it?” she asked, her voice was small, that of a scared little girl.

 

I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t lie. Not at a time like this. Not to my sister. “Ya… I think so.” I tugged her forward and wrapped her into a comforting hug.

 

“Johnny’s going to bring the kids by this afternoon – after he has a chance to rest a while.”

 

“Sounds good. Do you need me to do anything for you? Errands? Anything?”

 

“No. I don’t know. I just… can’t think straight. You know?”

 

“Ya. I do,” I assured her.

 

“Nothing else… really matters right now.”

 

I was nodding in agreement when the porter pushed Dad’s bed through the door. He looked tired. He looked like he’d run a marathon. And he didn’t look at all pleased about it.

 

“You okay Dad? You look pretty tired?”

 

“Not alright. Damn doctors… not a guinea pig! Stop poking me…” he grumbled.

 

“How about I close these curtains and we all have a bit of a nap? I could sure use one. How about you Rhi? Want to take a breather?”

 

“Hell ya. I’m knackered. Let’s shut all these lights off and us three have us a little sleep.”

 

I curled up on the cot and Rhi jumped up on the bed and snuggled in next to Dad. They slept for about an hour without any interruption. It was heaven.

 

The kids were nervous. They’d been coached, obviously. There were indoor voices, copious pleases and thank yous and lots of gentle touches. It was the saddest thing I’d ever seen. They were saying goodbye. They knew they were saying goodbye. And they were being so brave. It just about broke my heart in two.

 

At least we were all together; for hours there were smiles and laughter. I could see how happy my Dad was but I could also see how much of an effort he was making to stay awake and it was costing him. It was taking its toll. When the nurse shooed the lot of us out so she could run a test, everyone left except for me. I had intention of leaving his side. “Rhi’ll be back again after the kids are put to bed,” I told him.

 

We had our tea together and chatted lightly. Dad was tired but apparently he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to talk. “So… the doc said my heart is tuckered out.”

 

“Ya. I heard. Sounds a bit fishy to me Dad. You know if you wanted a vacation you could have just said so… no need for such dramatics.” I’d be damned if I’d be pulled into a morbid discussion with my Dad. I’d keep it upbeat if it killed me.

 

I got the desired results when my Dad chuckled. “Can always count on you to make me laugh. Thanks, I needed that.”

 

“That’s what I’m here for… comic relief.” I pilfered a spoon of jelly and grinned broadly at my Dad. “Yum. Green. You suppose this counts as a vegetable around here?”

 

It took ages to finish eating but it was relaxing and exactly what we needed after the busy day we’d had. Dad seemed to consider something quite seriously for a moment. His face became quite serious and then he abruptly changed the subject.

 

 

***

 

 **_INSPECTOR DONALDSON STOOD_ ** _outside the room hidden behind the privacy screen listening to his favorite young man talk quietly with his ailing father. He’d just wait a moment or two before he went in – no need to interrupt them, he thought._

 

***

 

 

“IANTO? WHAT HAPPENED?” he asked. “You always talked of moving to the big city. You would never quit whinging on about grand old London… then suddenly not a word. So what happened to change your mind son?” He’d been wondering about this for some time now.

 

“Well. I guess I just started appreciating what I had here. I wanted to spend time with you and Rhi and the kids. I can always go to London later… you know… when the time’s right. Besides,” I added, “I like my life here.”

 

“Right.” He clenched his jaw and the words came out tightly. “So what you’re saying is… you decided to stay here… because of your old man and your sister? _Bollocks to that!_ That’s just bollocks!” He shouted and I began to fear for his heart. “Why would you put your life on hold? You basically tossed an important dream down the toilet… “ He was shaking his head now, feeling seriously annoyed that he’d never realized why I’d stayed put for so many years.

 

Dad’s face was flushed red and he looked pretty pissed off. I was so scared that I’d give my Dad another heart attack… “Dad… please calm down,” I begged. “You’re stressing me out! I don’t want to give you another heart attack! Please… just breathe!” I gripped his hand for dear life.

 

His eyes widened with shock. He’d never heard such fear in my voice. He took a moment and stopped his ranting. “Alright. I’m calm now. I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to worry you. But I’m serious about this boy. I don’t want you to put your life on hold for the likes of me.” He had a hold of my hand and his eyes were crystal clear.

 

“No – Dad,” I insisted, “that’s not the case at all,” and I didn’t realize until that moment that it wasn’t. “I have been working to improve myself all this time. I’m doing so well at uni and my job… is great. I love my job. I’m good at this Dad. If I went off to London last year or the year before… what kind of job do you think I’d have gotten?”

 

He nodded, conceding the point. _He does seem happy and his job is pretty cool_ , he thought. None of his friends had kids who worked for the police while they went to university and actually got paid. He was always the first to brag about how clever his Ianto was. How his Ianto was going places.

 

“You do seem happy. I’ll give you that. And you seem to really like your job. But I don’t want to see you put your dreams on hold for me. I want you to dream big. You are so clever. I’m so proud of you. I want you to know that. I know you can do anything. So please don’t let go of your dreams. If it’s London you want to go to, then by God you’d better set your sights on that and do it. Make it happen.” I’d never seen my Dad like this, so passionate, so inspired.

 

“I will. I just don’t know exactly what my dream is right now,” I admitted. “But I’ll figure it out. I promise you.” I knew in my heart that it was true. I had no doubt in my abilities or my knowledge or my skills for that matter. I just had to re-evaluate what I wanted.

 

**_Tap -  Tap  - Tap_ **

****

We were both startled by the tapping on the door. “Hello? Ianto, you in here?” I heard the Inspector’s tentative call.

 

I stood up and pulled the curtain open. “Inspector. Sir. Come in. Come meet my father.”

 

“Dad. I’d like you to meet Inspector Donaldson. He’s responsible for getting me the internship and so much more,” I added with a fond smile. And it was then that Dad noticed a subtle shift in my demeanor and saw the light return to my eye.

 

“Good to meet you Mr. Jones. It’s a pleasure,” said the Inspector as he held out his hand and smiled warmly at my Dad. “And I’m certainly not responsible for your son’s success,” he protested. “I just made the recommendation. He’s done the rest. You should be very proud of him sir. He’s one of the best students I’ve ever trained.” The Inspector pumped the older man’s frail hand as firmly as he dared knowing the man would not appreciate being treated as a cripple.

 

“I am. He’s a good boy,” he agreed. “Couldn’t ask for better.” His eyes were alight with joy and pride as he looked between the Inspector and his son. He felt glad knowing that his son would have a good friend to guide him when he was gone. He could tell the Inspector was a good man, a respectable man, one who was suitable to be a role model for his son.

 

After a short while, I walked the Inspector out to his car. We chatted about work and school. The Inspector assured me my duties would be waiting for me when I returned and he told me that he’d already informed the faculty adviser of my current obligations. “Not to worry, Ianto. These things are trivial right now. You just spend as much time with your Dad as you can,” he told me sternly. “How’s… he doing? Will he recover?” the Inspector ventured.

 

I shook my head, pursed my lips and said, “No, I don’t think so. Too much damage.”

 

“Then you spend every minute you can with him. Trust me. I wish I had.” The Inspector’s mind wandered off to a difficult time, one that still haunted his memories. When he returned to the here and now, only a brief moment later, he patted me warmly on the shoulder.

 

I stood and waved as my friend and mentor drove away. That night, after Rhi’d returned, we chatted and reminisced until his Dad’s eyes slipped closed and he fell into a deep sleep. In fact, we all slept. We were exhausted.

 

In the morning, though, when I sleepily lifted my head, I rose to find my sister draped across our father, tears sliding down her face. He’d passed away while we slept right next to him. He never woke. His heart just gave out. Wear and tear they said.

 

 

***

 

 

 **DECEMBER WAS A** sad, solemn month one that we as a family would never forget.  When I returned to work after the New Year, the Inspector called me into his office.

 

“I’m here for you son,” he told me. “You never need to feel alone.” He looked at me seriously and insisted, “I want you to take it easy. Don’t push yourself too much.”

 

“Thank you. But I need… something.” I couldn’t stand being inactive. I needed something to focus on.

 

He considered me for a moment and then asked, “What can I do for you?”

 

“Let me work. I need to work. I need to do something useful, meaningful, important.”

 

“I can do that” he replied.

 

And so the year began with me working part-time for the department. It wasn’t glamorous. I did all the shit jobs that nobody wanted to do. I did what I did best; I organized, I cleaned and I helped other people do their jobs more efficiently. I was making a difference and to me that was all that mattered.

 

**_To be continued in… Chapter 6– Can’t Take the Para Out of My Normal_ **

 


	6. Can’t Take the Para Out of my Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto wishes he were normal but he continues to attract the weird and difficult to explain. He has three different alien encounters while working in the field with Inspector Donaldson. Even with his knowledge of the paranormal he gets mixed results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS/CONTENT: mild-moderate sexual references and situations, copious vulgarity (because I am a potty-mouth)  
> IANTO’S NEW TIMELINE: March 2003  
> CHARACTERS: Ianto, Inspector Donaldson, some cops, a weevil, an alien blowfish and a telepathic alien.

* * *

**~ Part 1 ~**

**The Lesser of Two Weevils**

* * *

  

 **I MAY‘VE TOLD** Inspector Donaldson that I’d help; in fact I may’ve even said ‘ _I’d be happy to help_ ’ but truly I’m not looking forward to this one bit.

 

If only they’d quit asking me if I’m okay. Then maybe I could be. But they just keep asking.

 

I can’t blame them, not really.

 

We’re squished into this little car like a squad of unlucky sardines. I’m slotted right in the middle. _Oh, joy_.

 

I guess it’s pretty hard to _ignore_ the fact that I keep covering my face and I’m sure they can’t help but _notice_ every time I sigh heavily or _fail_ to hear the low groans that keeps slipping out of my mouth.

 

It’s not (just) that I’m nervous or scared. But _they_ don’t know that.

 

I’m trying to sit quietly (and not make a fuss) but my mind’s flooded with intense memories. As I sit here, I can _see_ , I can _smell_ and I can actually _feel_ the sensations that come with these memories. They’re vivid – it’s like having _surround sound, 3D and VR_ all wrapped in one _._ I feel like I’m re-experiencing the numerous ( _pleasurable-dangerous-exciting-erotic_ ) weevil hunting trips with Jack – and all that those trips entailed.

 

The groans are groans of frustration. I remember his _clever_ hot hands, his _moist_ hot breath, his _scalding_ hot skin – _moving –sliding - grinding_.

 

It’s times like these that an eidetic memory is quite a hindrance.

 

And right now, my startlingly accurate sense memory is painfully bestowing its gift upon my body.

 

I’m trying to _hide_ my flaming hot, reddened face behind my hands. I’m not actually _worried_ per se; I’m just _embarrassed_. My body is aching in remembrance of sensations long past and yet to come. I hope.

 

_Never sure of the correct tense to use - English grammar doesn’t accommodate time-travel very well._

It really is better that _they_ think I’m _worried-anxious-scared_. Anything’s better than the truth.

 

I _sigh_ every time I close my eyes because I see in my mind’s eye those crystalline blue eyes hooded with desire.

 

And every time I feel the _burning-tingling-gut curling_ trail left by his _quick-clever-hot_ hands as they tease and explore my body, I get unimaginably _harder_ – my balls _ache_ – then I get more _aroused_ – and I _groan_.

 

It’s going to be a _very_ long night.

 

 

 ***

 

  _A short while earlier..._

 

 **I WAS BUSY** – you know, running around, pushing paper, distributing files, tidying up while doing any number of other essential things that I do – when I overheard the call.

 

The call came in ‘round 8pm. I only caught every few words that dispatch said but it was enough to get my attention. First, I heard, “…. wild animal attack…  savage teeth… eating a poodle…”

 

 _Damn_. That was disconcerting.

 

Then the desk officer said, “… send the bloody dog catcher…”

 

“The dog catcher’s in the hospital,” they replied. The line hissed with static and background noise before they continued, “… vicious attack… possible mortal flesh wounds…” 

 

"Sounds like a Torchwood thing,” came our officer's reply.

 

“Torchwood’s not responding…” whined the other party.

 

Choosing who went out on a call like this often came down to a game of paper-scissor-stone. Tonight, however it was up to the desk officer and he was obviously in a foul mood.

 

They were going to send out the rookie. No one else wanted the call. He was new. He was a nice guy. A sweetheart. He’d die for sure.

 

The rookie was nervous. He scratched his head and asked what he should bring. “Mace? Taser? Grenade? Suggestions? Anybody?” he begged _._

 

_Time to speak up._

 

So I went out on a limb – to save a life – and gave him some help.

 

“ _Ahem,”_ I interrupted. I’d take a large black hood, some duct-tape, cuffs and some extra-large zip ties, if I were you mate.”

 

_No one said anything._

 

“You’ll need four guys – at least,” I added after a moment.

 

So far, I’d refrained from interfering or letting on that I knew any more about the weird shite that regularly happened in Cardiff than a kid my age ought to.

 

I didn’t raise my voice or try to force the issue. I just waited. Let them have a think. I was torn though, between maintaining my near-invisibility and preventing any more unnecessary deaths tonight. So I just let the moment hover while I sorted the mail as efficiently as I could into the correct slots. I didn’t try and look anyone in the eye and I didn’t lift my head up too high.

 

The initial silence that ensued continued to stretch and it felt like an eternity before anyone spoke. There were mumbles and some groans but no one really offered up anything better.

 

Inspector Donaldson narrowed his eyes and took in my ridiculous invisibility act. He thought about my steady track record. He knew I didn’t usually volunteer information or make suggestions - I _listened_ and I _followed_ orders. So, when I did speak, I was usually _heard_ and my suggestions heeded. He looked around the room and felt a twinge of disappointment. And then suddenly, with his mind made-up, he nodded and then stood up with a grunt of complaint. His back had been giving him a bit of trouble lately.

 

The thing was, no one questioned _how_ I knew things. It didn’t matter. I was _always_ reliable – my Intel was correct _every time._

 

Inspector Donaldson took point. “Ianto, with me,” he said. “We’ll take three teams. Martin, Smith, get the gear. We’ll take my vehicle. Kary, Thompson, you get the van. You’ll follow. Meet in the front in fifteen minutes. Let’s go people.” Then he swooped into action.

 

That’s how we ended up squashed together in the back seat of the Inspector’s tiny car – with me reliving every god-damned so called ‘weevil hunt’ Jack and I went on.

 

 

***

 

 

 **AS FAR AS** Weevil hunts went… this one had gone mostly according to plan. The only problem was that no one really had any clue as to what they were supposed to do. The weevil definitely had the upper hand.

 

We were in teams of two and armed to the teeth. The inspector initially tried to make me stay in the car but my well-practiced derisive-withering look of disbelief really did the trick - _which I must confess is why the look exists in the first place._

Why do the damn Weevils always end up running around lost in an isolated inner city park? I mean, there’s nothing there – no food, no escape, no fun. So what’s the point?

 

I think they’re just drawn to green spaces. I think they must hate the dank sewers. I’ll bet their natural habitat is green and wild. The sewers must be hell for them.

 

This one was young yet surprisingly strong. By the time we caught up with it – cornered it – managed to get ourselves organized – it was scared and jumpy. The rookie, Martin and his partner Smith, tried to capture the weevil on their own and were rewarded with a couple of nice long scratches as a parting gift.

 

After a group huddle and some tactical direction from the Inspector we approached as a team and circled around, leaving no avenue of escape.

 

I wish we had some Weevil Spray. We really could’ve used some. Without the sedative agent, the Weevil kicked the crap out of us. We did eventually get it tackled, hooded, cuffed and zip-tied but while we were waiting for the wagon to be retrieved the damn thing almost escaped again.

 

Several team members lost a fair bit of skin, endured some lacerations, a couple of cracked ribs and almost all had some a collection of colorful bruises to remember the hunting trip by.

 

On the plus side, _no one died_ which was a huge deal.

 

There were a few shocked faces, most with a healthy dose of fear added in especially once everyone got a good close look at the ‘wild dog’. Let’s just say that there were no discussions about this not being a Torchwood matter.

 

However, Torchwood was still not responding. We knew that they’d probably swoop in to collect the ‘wild dog’ out of lock-up within the day. They usually did. But we really could have used their assistance. Ironically, it was when you actually wanted them to be there, that they weren’t anywhere to be found. Isn’t that just the way? Damn, Torchwood.

 

The drive back was hairy. We are definitely not set up for Weevil capture and transport services. Several hours later we handed our prize over to the guards with strict orders not to unhood the creature and to release it to Torchwood as soon as they arrived.  

 

Afterwards, it started to get a bit weird. Everyone kept patting me on the back. Thanking me. Congratulating me. But for what?

 

Well, as usual, my confusion was noted by the Inspector so he pulled me aside to explain why they were so grateful. He said that my involvement had made all the difference between our utter failure and success on the mission. I couldn’t help but disagreed however he insisted that my information and my assistance were invaluable.

 

Then he pointed to the rookie and then at his partner. He said in a lowered voice, “They would have died and you know it,” and the thing was, I did.

 

It was a rough pat on the shoulder that drew my attention back to his face. When I met his gaze again, there a subtle smile on his craggy old face. I smiled back and nodded and took his praise. It felt good. To be useful. To help. The warm feeling in my chest expanded and filled me up until I felt light and near to bursting. I had to take a moment to swallow back a slight lump in my throat.

 

With the rest of officers though, I did my best to be gracious when they asked about our ‘wild dog’ adventure. Modesty, in my opinion, is a soul-deep virtue, and one that I intend to cultivated.

 

 

 ***

 

 

 **IN THE DARK** , some hours later I let myself feel and took what I needed from Colin. I gave him everything I could think of and I kept giving it to him until he begged me to stop.

 

“Oh… _fhisss_ … oh fuck. _Ianto_. ”

 

“Mmmm?”

 

“God. That’s _so_ good.”

 

“Good. Mmmmmm.”

 

“Please. Don’t. Stop.”

 

“I (lick) wouldn’t (lick) dream (lick) of (lick) it (lick).”

 

“ _Suck. Please_ …”

 

“Of course.”

 

 

 

 

>  
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>   _January 11, 2003_
> 
> _The minute I got back from the weevil hunt, I called Colin. I needed some comfort; I needed him. I’m so glad he’s got a nice apartment. Mine is a bit shit and it’s good to get away._
> 
> _He kept his eyes locked on mine the whole time. God it was so hot! I forgot how good it felt to have strong hands hold me, push me down, a big hot mouth suck me down his throat… I forgot. The way he licked me - it was crazy how hard it made me.  I had my way with him in the end though. I had so much fun working him up into a bloody frenzy until he was squirming under me and begging me to fuck him. I like being in charge. That was fun._
> 
>   _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

 

 

* * *

**~ Part 2 ~**

**Scumbags of the Universe**

* * *

 

 

 **INSPECTOR DONALDSON TOOK** me out to a crime scene today. I can’t help but think he’s trying to out-do the other department. I’m still working on the archival project for the research department in the mornings.

 

Does cool crime scene trump cool archival system?

 

Perhaps…

 

I’m not complaining mind. It was brilliant. Finally, I get to put some of my knowledge to work.

 

It was eye-opening watching him and him team work the scene.

 

They’re so good!

 

There was definitely something fishy about the case though. It involved a stolen car and a robbery. The car totally stunk. As in, it _stunk like fish_. Only there weren’t any fish left at the scene and the forensics guys said there wasn’t any evidence to suggest there ever were.

 

Honestly, my ‘spidey-sense’ or ‘alien detector’ or ‘spooky-do radar’ or whatever you’d like to call it, _was tingling_ and it wasn’t a good tingle. It was a ‘ _holy shit we’re fucked’_ kind of tingle. ‘Cause nothing good ever came from an alien fish encounter – _ever_.

 

It was when we were inspecting the car that we noticed the smell. Then later, after we interviewed a couple of witnesses we found out about the ‘rubber fish mask’.

 

The older guy we talked to said he saw the thief smash the driver’s side window. He said he was just about to unlock his front door which was across the street from the parked car. He looked over and saw some guy skulking around wearing a bright red Halloween costume. He thought it was just a kid screwing around but then the guy smashed the window. He was shocked and confessed to being quite scared so he quickly unlocked the door and slammed it behind him. That’s when he called the cops. The thing is, after he thought about it he said he could’ve sworn that it was a fish mask. He said it must have been expensive ‘cause it was real lifelike. We thanked him and spoke to another fella.

 

This guy was younger and had been riding his bike down the sidewalk at the time. He saw the guy up close and had to swerve to avoid running into him. He said it was definitely a fish mask. He also said the guy kind of smelled ‘fishy’.

 

I was, as you can imagine, freaking out by this point. The _what_ _if’s_ spinning through my ever-so-imaginative mind left me all but ready to bolt. At the very least, I wanted to drag the Inspector away, very far away from the soon-to-be dangerous situation.

 

What could I have possibly said? Let’s just leave this to… Who? Torchwood? How the hell am I supposed to explain that one?

 

So I didn’t. I just went with the flow, tried to chill out, went to my happy place… you know the drill. I totally pretended everything was _normal_.

 

I half expected _someone_ from Torchwood to show up at any moment. But no one did.

 

The car had been dumped several kilometers from the robbery site. There weren’t any CCTV cameras in the vicinity so we couldn’t track him. There weren’t any prints – not that they would have helped us. There was very little evidence that we could find with the technology available to us. The only thing we could do was to increase patrols and keep an eye out for a guy in a rubber fish mask.

 

I was kind of relieved when we didn’t find anything and had to go home. We followed up the next day but we still had nothing to go on.

 

We got a call a couple of days later from the security company that surveils several banks in the area. The supervisor had been reviewing the tapes for the last few shifts and he came across a suspicious character. We went down to their office and had a look at the footage.

 

 _Damn_. It was definitely an alien Blowfish. No question about it. It was _not_ a rubber mask. I looked at the Inspector and he looked at me. I knew he _knew_ that was no mask. Obviously, we took the footage with us.

 

In the car, on the way back to the precinct he tried to get my take. He started off by saying, “Back there? That look on your face? It sure seemed like you’ve seen this kind of thing before.”

 

I didn’t reply. I must have made a face because he kind of snorted at me.

 

“So, what do you think?” he prodded again.

 

I contemplated my options and finally decided to go with a relative version of the truth. “I’ve seen something like that before. I’ve lived in Cardiff my whole life. We both know strange things happen here,” I added as casually as I could.

 

“True. True. There have been some weird things… but what I want to know is have you seen this kind of ‘fish guy’ before?” I knew he wouldn’t let up until I gave him some more information.

 

“Ya ... I have,” I admitted. “There’re not from _around_ here, if you know what I mean? They’re _trouble_.”

 

“What do you mean by trouble? What have you seen _exactly_?”

 

“They usually steal something flashy. They’re like rebellious teenagers on a joyride.” There was no getting around this. I decided to share a little of what I knew. I just wouldn’t tell him _how_ I knew it.

 

He paused a moment and it looked like he was digesting what I said. Then he surprised me and just took my words at face value. Honestly, I was stunned that he’d put that kind of trust in me. He didn’t even demand how I knew. He just _believed_ me.

 

“So are you saying they’re just stupid teenagers?”

 

“No! I’m not saying they’re _just_ anything. They’re dangerous! Really dangerous! You’ve got to believe me.” Oh, I was more than a little desperate for him to believe me. I just wanted to tell him to stay away from this one.

 

“Okay. I _do_. I _believe_ you,” he assured me. Then he held up his hand like he was surrendering. He looked over at me and spoke ever so clearly. “I _always_ believe you. If _you_ say they’re dangerous then we’ll treat them as such.”

 

“A friend of mine once said they’re the scum of the universe.”

 

“Great. Joy riding, teenaged, scum. They don’t sound very stealthy. Kind of flashy actually. Do you think they want to get caught?” He went into analysis mode. I’d seen him do this countless times before. He was compiling data and trying to see patterns.

 

“Listen, they may be the scum of the universe but they aren’t stupid scumbags. They’re sneaky and mean and violent. Don’t underestimate them, whatever you do. Or you may just end up dead.”

 

“Fair enough – we’ll keep that in mind.”

 

The blowfish didn’t surface for over a week. What I couldn’t figure out is where did he hide? I mean they’re pretty _noticeable_. Really hard to miss, especially with their fashion sense.

 

When they found it the Inspector called me at home and asked if I wanted to come along. He had been hiding out in an old abandoned warehouse. Ironically, a transient called the cops because she was angry that he was squatting in her warehouse. Bless her sweet heart.

 

I was almost giddy by the time we got there. He told me they had it completely surrounded and it was alone in the warehouse.

 

I was itching to move but I couldn’t get out of the car. I’d already agreed. He’d made me promise. It was either that or he wouldn’t have brought me.

 

When I asked him if any other agencies were called in he nodded and said, “Probably Torchwood.” He was grumbling quite audibly about ‘those pushy disrespectful bastards’ so I figured he was probably talking about Jack.

 

To think that I might _see_ him – after all this time – made my heart race. I’d never been in a situation that would warrant Torchwood interference before. Again, the inspector reminded me that I’d have to stay in the car. _Probably for the best_ , I thought

 

“Have you met them? Torchwood, I mean?” I must have sounded nervous ‘cause he looked at me with a question in his eye.

 

“Sure. Once or twice. They just sweep in, take over, mouth off, then sweep out again. And they usually leave a hell of a mess.” He didn’t sound very impressed.

 

“Do you know anyone by name?” I was really pushing the envelope here and I knew it.

 

“Ah… let’s see. I think the boss is called Har-k-ness? Apparently he’s quite the thing with the ladies.” The scorn in his voice was getting thicker.  

 

While we were chatting, I’d rolled the window down a smidge to combat the stale air collecting in the Inspector’s tiny car so when I heard the tell-tale squealing of tires I craned my neck to get a better look. The squealing of tires was promptly followed by a bevy of loud angry curses interspersed with numerous fearful yelps as a group of disgruntled people threw themselves out of the path of oncoming danger.  Luckily no one was hurt but it was a close call.

 

As the obnoxiously large, flashy, gas-guzzling all-terrain vehicle came to an abrupt halt at the threshold of the crime scene a cloud of fine dust wafted upwards and then spiraled downwards before finally settling upon the nearby vehicles and people like a cloak of filth. Needless to say, I quickly rolled up my window.

 

Torchwood had arrived. The team opened their doors in practiced unison and stepped out with cases and equipment in their hands. I couldn’t see very well because as I mentioned, the windows were now covered in a fine layer of dust. But it was _him_ ; I would know that stride _anywhere_. They passed the barrier and swept into the warehouse without a moment’s hesitation. _That’s so Jack,_ I thought _._

 

I was just about to make some snide comment about their obvious arrogance when I heard shouting coming from the warehouse. So did the Inspector because he grabbed his door handle and made to exit the vehicle – but not before targeting me with his steely gaze and reiterating his directive that I was to _remain in the car_.

 

I saw the Inspector approach the commanding officer of the scene. They exchanged words but as far as I could tell he basically shrugged in response to the Inspector’s question. I guess we’d all have to just wait and see.

 

A brief flash of movement caught my attention on the second floor. Someone was clearly moving around with a torch in the utter darkness of the warehouse. It got hairy pretty quickly. There were people running around, gun fire and then there was a great deal of shouting. Then I watched in fascination, as one by one, each member of the Torchwood team ran out or just threw themselves clear of the building followed quickly by an explosion which blew out the back wall of the building.

 

The blowfish came running out of the blown out wall and then there was Jack tackling him into the rubble. It was a _gorgeous_ sight. The rest of his team swooped in and secured the damn blowfish for once and for all. They jabbed him with something and then secured a bag over his head – no doubt to allow for the “it’s just a crazy guy in a fish mask” cover-up story to be more convincing. They literally chucked him into the boot and once again in unison they slid into their seats and a moment later that obnoxious truck screeched away.

 

_I wonder if I ever looked that cool?_

 

 

 

 

 

>  
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _August 27, 2003_
> 
>  
> 
> _Stupid blowfish. Freaky, evil, rank bastards._
> 
> _Jack. Beautiful, reckless sexy Jack. Oh, I miss you. I need to jerk off something fierce._
> 
> _I couldn’t stop laughing at the Inspector. He ranted the whole way home about the mess they left behind for everyone else to clean up. It’s quite a novelty seeing the aftermath from this perspective. Torchwood really does leave one hell of a mess behind where ever they go._
> 
> **_To do_ ** _: seriously reconsider Torchwood (see blowfish!)_
> 
> **_Not to do_ ** _: don’t pine_
> 
>   _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_

 

 

 

* * *

**~ Part 3 ~**

**Telepathy Hurts**

* * *

 

 

 **THERE’S _NO WAY_** in hell that thing could’ve been mistaken for human, not even on a moonless, near pitch-black street, not even if you were glancing at it from very far away without your glasses on. It was way too tall and its mouth was way too small.  The way it walked was eerie and … oh it was just bad - altogether bad.

 

Apparently, some telepathic races don’t communicate using words at all. They communicate with thoughts, memories, feelings or images. It is therefore important to note that accuracy would vary greatly from person to person. It would depend to some degree how good you are at creating pictures or images that correctly reflect what you want to say. It would also depend on your ability to send and receive. It’s an extremely unreliable way to communicate and in any sensitive interplanetary political context, one that’s fraught with danger. Oh, _and pain_. Don’t forget that.

 

It was just _so_ tall. It was like the last time I had to sit in the first row at the movie theatre. I had to crane my neck up so sharply that I’m sure I’ll have a kink in it for at least a week. And why they made me, a pitiful height in comparison, be the one to have that little chat with the thing I’ll never know. But they did.

 

I suppose their reasoning was fairly clear. It pointed at me after all. Plus, I **_heard_** it. Well, I’m not sure _heard_ is the correct word. It was more like I _felt_ it in my head, scrambling around in there, poking and scratching. I had no idea what it wanted or what it was trying to say – _at first_. So they just pushed me forwards, towards it, with no regard for my bloody safety.

 

Well, that’s not exactly true either. The Inspector was having kittens. He was just hiding it very well. But the question was there in his eyes, “Do you really want to do this?” or perhaps it was, “Do you want to run away now?” I think it’s a toss-up. Either way, me being the fool that I am, just nodded and said it was fine. Why am I always saying that it’s bloody fine when it’s obviously not bloody fine? Note to self: **_seek help_**. This is a serious character flaw. One that will no doubt get me killed.

 

So I approached very slowly, and all the while my mind was spinning and the one thought that kept coming to the forefront was, _I wish I had a nice fearless immortal standing between me and that thing right now_. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had that thought. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been in such an imminently dangerous situation. An interesting turn of events really. This is _exactly_ why I haven’t gone to London and _precisely_ why I haven’t joined Torchwood.

 

The second thought that kept my blood pumping far too fast was _these guys have no idea just how bad this situation could/is likely to get_. But there was no one else. It was us or no one. So I steeled myself - for what I hadn’t a clue – but I steeled myself none the less. And then I tried a little smile and I tried to move my limbs as little as possible. You never know what other species will consider offensive after all. I wasn’t even sure if I could actually communicate with this thing but I was willing to give it a try.

 

I needn’t have worried. I had very little control over the situation. I certainly did not initiate contact. Nor did I direct the conversation in any way . And I could not by any means stop the overwhelming stream of images that once started, refused to cease. All I could do was stand there; how I don’t know but stand there stiff as a statue I did. All my other senses got put on pause while my mind – fragile, bare and exposed – was basically pillaged and raped. It flicked through my memories so fast that I barely registered the action. If it weren’t for the pauses – the snapshots taken out and examined in detail and then the mental questioning * ** _what is this?*  *explain?*_**  I wouldn’t have had a clue what was happening.

 

Of course, it chose the strangest memories – rather _moments_ \- to analyze: a kiss, a scene from a movie, a family dinner, holding my newborn nephew, trimming the Christmas tree, learning to drive, swimming in the sea; the list went on and on.

 

While each one was important in its own way, none represented for me a great milestone or a great secret. They just didn’t seem relevant to the current situation. And they certainly didn’t help me communicate any better. But that didn’t seem to be the purpose of the current rather thorough exploration of my gray matter. _I think_ it was trying to understand me, my life, my role, my joys, my dreams, my fears.

 

Up ‘til this point it hadn’t _sent_ anything. It had only _taken_ and demanded information, leaving me frozen and forced to passively endure.  But then it started sending flashes of scenes, scenes I hadn’t ever seen before. They were scenes from its life, its role, its joys, its dreams and its fears. It was a true exchange but it was a hell of a lot of information.

 

Unsurprisingly, it ended up being too much all at once and it hurt so intensely, so deeply that my face must have been frozen in a grimace of pain because the Inspector’s voice became recognizable above the din and the alien was forced to stop whatever it was doing. Then I realized I was crumpled on the ground and keening, in a most unbecoming emasculating way.

 

It was then that the alien (I still didn’t know if it had a gender and I certainly didn’t know its name) stooped down and placed its long cool hand across my brow. The Inspector held up a hand to forestall any reaction from the drawn and trembling weapons trained upon us. The alien must have known it was on shaky ground because it bowed its head slightly towards him.

 

Then it surprised me even further. It _soothed me_ ; it surrounded my mind in a cool, soothing soup of affection and then it _thanked me_ for sharing my mind. It showed me that I had only a limited psychic ability to work with which was why it hurt so much. It was _sorry_ for the pain and it only wanted _to see - to learn - to know - to meet_. It would leave now. It was _thankful_. I mumbled these words to the breathless onlookers. The alien stood up, turned and walked away.

 

That’s it. That’s all I remember because apparently I passed-out, good and proper. Once again, I’m being congratulated for something completely unworthy of praise. I allowed myself to be mentally assaulted by a curious intergalactic tourist.

 

They keep saying, “so _brave… amazing… courageous… awesome, inspiring”…_ and I keep saying, “ _I fell down screaming… how is that awesome_?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>  
> 
> _04/12/04_
> 
>  
> 
> _That sucked. I’ve just woken up in the hospital. Apparently, I’ve been unconscious for a day and a half._
> 
> _I officially hate telepathic aliens. My head feels like it’s going to fall off or at the very least ooze out of my ears. I may have ‘rudimentary psychic skills’ as that damn arrogant alien put it but they are obviously not strong enough to have a side-walk chat with a telepathic alien._
> 
> **_To do:_ ** _develop psychic skills_
> 
> **_Not to do_ ** _: do not get mind raped – again._
> 
>  
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> _\-----------------------------------------------------_
> 
>  
> 
>  

 ***

 

 

 **I’VE TRIED, I** really have. I’ve applied myself academically and I’ve done my time (and then some) enduring reruns. I’ve taken jobs that would send most people running for the hills and mad from the boredom. I’ve adjusted myself, my thinking. I’ve made new friends and I’ve fixed things with my family.

 

My life’s better than ever.

 

I’m happy.

 

 _Mostly_.

 

I just want to be _normal_ though.

 

I just want to live.

 

And be safe.

 

I’ve given so much just so that I don’t have to lose myself to Torchwood One. I just can’t seem to escape this crazy alien shit. It follows me everywhere I go.

 

Apparently, I am a crazy shit _magnet_.

 

Every day I strive for normalcy.

 

And what do I get?

 

Weevils, Blowfish and bloody telepathic aliens!

 

My normal is not what you’d normally call normal.

 

I guess you can’t take the para out of my normal after all.

 

* * *

 _To be continued in_ … Chapter 7: Watching, Waiting and Crying the Blues

**  
**

 

 

 


	7. Watching, Waiting and Crying the Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the time has come, he finds the one man who can shed some light on his timeline problem. Ianto successfully stalks the Doctor and arranges to run into him but he gets more than he bargained for.  
> Ianto’s New Timeline: September 8-10, 2005

## Prologue

 

> * * *
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> * * *
> 
> _September 8, 2005_
> 
> _When I first woke up years ago in this timeline I wrote down everything I could remember in my journal. I’ve spent all this time watching and waiting - for time to pass, for a change in me, for opportunities, for Jack or for the Doctor. There were times – so many times – that I didn’t know why or what I was waiting for – but today I know for certain – that this is something worth waiting for – something worth doing._
> 
> _Today’s the day I finally test my memory. It’s the first time in years that all my notes will come in handy._
> 
> _I know the Doctor’s going to park on the rift to refuel. I remember because there was a huge rift anomaly observed on that day._
> 
> _I remember reading about the Cardiff earthquake (that wasn’t really an earthquake) on October 8 th, 2005. _
> 
> _I remember what Jack said. The Doctor’s bound to come back to Cardiff eventually since he has to refuel on the rift._
> 
> _I’ve been camped out here on the Roald Dahl Plas in front of the Millennium Centre for a few days now because hey, let’s face it, were talking about the Doctor and there’s no telling what time he might show up._
> 
> _Ironically, despite being a Time Lord he’s not known for having a very reliable sense of time. The idea that a Time Lord couldn’t get anywhere on time is just atrocious. It’s enough to drive me mad, if I weren’t already half way there._
> 
> **_To do:_ ** _Today’s the big day so keep your wits, pack a lunch and remember your towel_
> 
> **_Not to do:_ ** _don’t freak out – remember you’re cool, you’re awesome – go me!_
> 
>  
> 
> * * *
> 
> _TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>   

## Screwing with the Universe

**IT WAS A** rare fine weather day in Cardiff. The sky was a lovely robin’s egg blue scattered thinly with little wispy white clouds. The sun had begun its descent leaving long shadows stretched across the flagstones.

 

 

In my humble opinion, it was a perfect day to screw with the universe.

 

And to see the Doctor too, of course.

 

The TARDIS was parked on the Plas right next to the waterfall. I had a good clear view of the door from the park bench. I was leaning up against the white railing pretending to read a book. 

 

I saw a young man approaching from a distance purposefully striding across the Plas towards the little blue box.

 

 _Showtime_ , I thought.

 

He barely had enough time to knock once or twice before the door flew open. Then my heart nearly stopped.

 

 

Jack appeared in the doorway dressed in a bright blue T-shirt and a pair of snug tan chinos. Before the young man could get out a word, Jack leaned forward and demanded, “Who the hell are you?”

 

The visitor made a face of disgust and retorted with equal fervour and irritation, his accent thick and a little distracting. “Whad ju mean who am I? Who the hell ah you?”

 

Jack was quick with his introduction but it wasn’t accompanied by his usually charming smile. “Cap’n Jack Harkness. Whatever you’re selling, where not buying.” He tried to slam the door in the young man’s screwed-up face but the grumpy lad wasn’t having any of that.

 

“Get outta me way!” He shouted as he pushed his way into the TARDIS. Resigned, Jack let him pass, turned his back and closed the wooden door behind him.

 

It took me a moment to remember to breathe… and then another moment to move…

 

It was now or never, well not _NEVER_ actually, I’d just have to wait a few more years. Without another moment's hesitation, I stood up and walked over to the waterfall.

 

Now, I faced a dilemma. I wanted to get noticed but only on my terms. I needed a believable reason to be there so I decided to take out my camera and started taking pictures of the area. I couldn’t resist taking a few snaps of the TARDIS as well. I’d been planning this moment for years and now that it was here I was determined to persevere regardless of my terror.

 

My heart continued to race and pounded loudly against the inside of my chest. I was teetering between knocking on the door and waiting until they exited. But what if they just left? I had no intention of blowing this chance.

 

I deliberated for a few torturous moments but my dilemma was solved for me when the TARDIS door opened once more. The Doctor stepped out first and seemed to be in the middle of a conversation with his companions. He walked briskly and spoke in a rapid fire tempo that made it hard to make out many of his words from such a distance. I did manage to hear him say _something_ should take another 24 hours. It seemed like they had some time to kill after all.

 

Then the irritated young man pointed out an old lady who was staring at them with a very shocked expression on her face. Jack answered quickly and said she was probably wondering what four people could do in a small wooden box. Then Jack snickered at his own ridiculous joke and after a brief pause, Rose and the Doctor finally joined in. But the young man, I noticed, didn’t even crack a smile. Apparently, they hadn't gotten over their mutual dislike as of yet.   

 

And I thought to myself, _ah… that’s my Jack._

The young man was quite obviously unimpressed with him and in his snarkiest voice, he asked Jack if he was the Captain of The Innuendo Squad.

 

Jack threw a rather nasty grin back at him and made a sarcastic W (whatever) with his fingers. I realized then that I was witnessing just another testosterone fuelled pissing contest. Those two must be competing for something… or perhaps the affections of  _someone_.  That’s my Jack, always stirring up trouble, no matter when or where he went.

 

_Oh gods, I’ve missed him._

 

And then suddenly, near hysterical laughter was bubbling up from deep within my chest and exploding from my mouth. It was so strong and so unexpected that I was literally bowled over, left breathless and desperately clutching at my stomach.

 

I suffered a few embarrassing moments where I felt an uncomfortable lack of control of the noises coming from my own mouth before I managed to stand upright and make my way around the Doctor’s little blue box. While a little more composed, I was still snickering about the kid’s ‘Captain of the Innuendo Squad’ comment when I came face to face with both Jack and the Doctor. I was just a few steps behind the familiar looking young blond woman whom I knew from photos was named Rose and her friend. I knew by then that I had definitely gotten their attention so I gave them my cheekiest smile and said, “Gods, That’s funny. I haven’t laughed like that in… years.”

 

At first, Jack just looked me up and down - clearly not sure what to make of my intrusion but then after a short pause he allowed a smile to form. It was a nice smile and it completely transformed his face but to my disappointment it wasn’t _that smile_. You know, the one that makes shivers tingle up and down my spine. The one I remember.

 

The Doctor however seemed to stare right through me.  I’d even go so far as to say that he couldn’t take his eyes off of me. He wasn’t actually frowning at me though so I decided to continue on.

 

I felt like I needed to start off on the right foot with the Doctor so I went with the thought that had been bouncing around in my mind and with a sweeping gesture towards the TARDIS I said, “She’s a lovely blue.” I took a deep breath and with a conscious effort clasped my hands demurely in front of my body. “I’ve been wondering what you call it? Would it be TARDIS blue by any chance?”

 

At first, the Doctor flinched and took a little step back. Then he squinted at me - perhaps looking at me with a special Time Lord sense or something. After the longest few seconds of my life, he relaxed and graced me with  bright and genuine smile.  He took a confident step towards me and extended his hand in greeting. And then he started talking a mile a minute and didn’t stop for several minutes straight. He said hello and then he thanked me. He said he loved the color as well and followed up with, “I think _she’s_ beautiful in blue.” I was grinning the whole time. It probably looked stupid and childish but I could care less. He was… amazing. It was amazing to have his attention directed at me. It was like being on center stage with a bright enveloping light shining on you, surrounded by the sounds of loving cheers and warm applause.

 

After a few embarrassing tries, I managed to say hello back and I agreed that she was indeed very beautiful. I told him how glad I was that I’d finally ran into him because I’d been waiting a long time to see him. Throughout our little interchange the Doctor continued to shake my hand. As if just remembering, he asked me my name and why I’d been waiting.

 

I did my best James Bond impersonation and told him, “Jones. Ianto Jones. It’s very nice to meet you Doctor. I need to speak to you about a ... _timeline_ matter.” I tried to pitch my voice a little lower so that only the Doctor could hear me clearly.

 

He made a funny face and nodded knowingly. “Oooow. A timeline matter you say? Weelll. That’s interesting. EEEEY ANNN TOOO. Nice. I like it.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“How do you… know my name by the way? Have we met before? Did I run into you? I do that a lot you see. Terribly sorry…”

 

I grinned. I just bet he did. “No. That’s not it.” I assured him.

 

“There wasn’t any running? That’s odd. There’s usually a lot of running.” Now he looked a little disappointed.

 

Before I could reply, Jack leaned in closer and started leering in earnest. “Who’s this Doc? Anything I can do to help?”

 

“Jaaaaack. Stop it.” The Doctor admonished with a little swat of his hand.

 

I smirked and I thought… _Jack really hasn’t changed that much_.

 

“That’s alright,” I said, “He’s cute.” I smirked again and I tried to match his leer but my face betrayed me and went beet-red instead. _Damn_.

 

Jack leaned in, elbowing the Doctor out of the way and forcing him to release my hand. He didn’t let it drop though. Instead he slid his hand into mine and tugged me closer. “Captain Jack Harkness ... at your service…” Man, could he spread it on thick. He was perfectly trained in the art of letching.

 

The Doctor scowled and shook his head. He obviously disapproved. None the less, with a wave and a head bob, he invited me to walk with them.

 

He told me they were headed to a café across the bay.  Then the Doctor started asking me questions and our pace slowed a bit until we were walking several strides behind the chatty trio.

 

I kept my eyes on Jack as we walked. It was so weird. It was and it wasn’t _my_ Jack. There were differences, definite differences.

 

Finally, once the Doctor had finished asking all of his introductory questions he asked me to tell him my story.

 

“Well...” I said taking a deep breath. “I have this friend or will… he knows you…” I shook my head trying to clear away the timeline induced confusion. “Anyway… at some time in my future and my past… a very close friend of mine knows you very well. He believes you are wise and all knowing.” I stole a peak and smiled at the Doctor who was looking quite serious.  I sighed loudly before continuing. “Doctor, you’re the only person who could possibly understand what’s happening to me. I need your help.”

 

The Doctor pursed his lips and nodded a few times. “I see. This timeline problem is happening to you? _Right now_?”

 

“Yes, it is. It’s been… _difficult_. I can’t tell anyone. Of course, I won’t. But I also need help. I don’t want to change anything. But I’m not sure why I would be given this chance if I wasn’t supposed to do _something_ differently.”

 

“Given… what chance _exactly_?” he asked in a sharper, louder voice and then he stopped abruptly to face me. Jack must have been watching our progress because a moment later so did Jack. He looked at the Doctor with concern. The Doctor waved him off and told them we’d catch them up in a few minutes.

 

I had his full attention now. I wasn’t going to waste it. So I just plunged in.

 

“I woke up… one day… in my past… body. In my own bed… when I was _younger_. This is my younger body but I still have my memories from the future.” I spoke the words I’d practiced but they sounded ridiculous even to my own ears. I stood there and waited for the Doctor’s reaction. I figured at worst he’d either laugh or shout at me and then walk away.

 

He didn’t do either. In fact, he didn’t do or say anything for quite a few minutes. He just stared at me with that far off look again. And then he nodded and muttered to himself.

 

“I see. This **_is_** a problem.”

 

“Yes. It is.” I sighed, several years’ worth of repressed sighs.

 

“Right! Lunch! Then we’ll see if we can figure this out. Ya?” His demeanor suddenly transformed and he became his super-animated self once more.

 

“Okay,” I said, “Lunch sounds good.” We picked up the pace and jogged after the trio who were just about to turn the corner.

 

“Do I look strange to you? You know? Can you tell?” I huffed the words out as we jogged side by side.

 

The Time Lord looked at me through scrunched up squinty eyes. He briefly stuck out his tongue as if he were testing the air or something. Then after great deliberation, he made a strange hissing sound while inhaling sharply.  Finally, he answered. “There is… something. But it’s not clear what it is.” 

 

Seriously? After all that. “Well that’s vague and slightly ominous,” I said with a grimace.

 

“Yessss. It is,” he agreed with a wide slightly disturbing grin. His reactions were odd and confusing. It's like we were having completing different conversations. Shaking my head in confusion, I walked briskly until I caught up with my temporary companions.

 

***

 

We ended up at a quaint little café situated on high stilts suspended over the bay. As the sun began to dip closer to the horizon, the sky took on a pinkish hue. Jack was telling a funny story, of course. It was pleasant and so very familiar.  However, being in his presence after all this time was also amazingly painful.  I wouldn’t get to hear that laugh, that voice, see that smile, gaze into those eyes again, for at least another year or so.

 

Actually, it took me a moment to realize that it felt like my heart was aching with gratitude. I couldn’t believe my luck. When I woke up this morning I had high hopes of seeing the Doctor but never in a million years did I ever think that I might actually get to see Jack. Never mind _both_ Jack _and_ the Doctor. Seriously, the Powers That Be must have been smiling down on me this morning.

 

The Doctor turned to me and spoke quietly as they continued to joke around. “So. How did you know where and when to find me?”

 

“In the future, my friend tells me about how you landed on the rift to refuel. I knew the approximate date but not the exact time. I’ve been here all week.”

 

“I see.”

 

Just then I remembered something very important. “Oh. By the way…” I sighed and grimaced as I decided whether or not I ought to toss a spoiler into the mix. I decided to take the chance. “Something bad happens today…” I grimaced and so did he. “There’s going to be an earthquake type thing… only it’s not actually an earthquake…” I was struggling with exactly how I was supposed to explain this. “You four are supposed to… fix something today. If you know what I mean? I don’t want meeting me to… you know… throw things off?”

 

“Really? You seem to have a lot of foreknowledge. That’s _really_ dangerous, you know?”

 

“I know. Spoilers.”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Spoilers?”

 

“Just who is this friend of yours?”

 

“He’s close.”

 

“He’s close to me?”

 

“Yep. That too.”

 

“What?” He looked towards Jack and raised an eyebrow.

 

I pursed my lips and nodded slightly.

 

The Doctor looked startled and suddenly very worried. “That is _very dangerous_ young man! We need to have a serious talk. You and me. Is that _clear_?”

 

By the time he was finished speaking I was scrunched down in my chair making every effort to disappear. The Doctor continued to glare and point at me long enough to become uncomfortable. I frowned, raised my eyebrows and surreptitiously motioned with my now bulging eyes towards the very attentive threesome sitting at the table next to us.

 

The Doctor belatedly realized his blunder and had the decency to look a little chagrined. He waved at them reassuringly and called out, “Carry-on. Nothing to see here.” Jack and Rose exchanged a well-practiced glance. They continued to look expectantly at the Doctor and refused to carry-on one bit.

 

Desperate to disappear from their sudden interest, I picked up the newspaper and flipped through the pages, sure that something had to be amiss. _Something to do with the power plant if I remembered correctly…_ And I usually did. “What’s this?” I said in my best _mock-surprise-don’t-mind-me-I’m-a-terrible-actor_ voice and passed the paper to the Doctor.

  

 

He took one glance at the photo and then his face dropped. “And I was having such a nice time,” he muttered petulantly. He continued to stare at the offending article with a disappointed scowl. The others, I noticed, had already started to clean up. Based on the gleam in their eyes and the energy bouncing between them, they looked ready for a bit of adventure.

 

***

 

As we were walking up the steps to city hall, the Doctor stopped and spoke to me in his very serious voice. He told me to stay close to him and he insisted that I mustn’t go wandering off.

 

I followed the Doctor to the Mayor’s office and then followed closely behind him as he ran around after some alien named Margaret.

 

Once she was caught, we took her back to the TARDIS. The experience...was...well, it was kind of terrible. She was terrible. She was going to be put to death once they took her home. She was a murderer but it was still terrible situation.

 

***

 

Not long after we returned to the TARDIS,  Mickey and Rose left and went off on their own. Then after an impressive display of emotional manipulation, the Doctor was convinced to take Margaret out for her last meal. Of course, that meant Jack and I would be left alone together in the TARDIS.

 

Before he left for dinner, the Doctor explicitly told me to watch what I said to Jack. And once more, he told me not to wander off.  “Iantooo…” He kept dragging my name out. It was weird. “Please do **_not_** pollute the timeline.  And… do not _leave_ … you and I… we _need_ to have that chat. And for goodness sake… do not let Jack talk you into anything… naughty!”

 

“You hear me Jack?” He craned his neck and waited for Jack to respond. “Do not corrupt young Mr. Jones here. He is my _guest_.”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it Doc,” he said while chuckling. I’d seen that expression before. It said Jack had plans, many plans, and none of them good.

 

The Doctor looked at Jack with a very unimpressed frown and said very pointedly, “We’ll see you _shortly_.” Then he led Margaret through the door and out into the night.

 

I stood there a moment making every attempt to compose myself. I had to at least compose myself enough to speak. While the Doctor was there I was mostly okay ...

 

_Right. Who am I kidding?_

 

I haven’t been okay for hours. But now that _they’re_ all gone and _we’re_ all alone… well I was starting to feel entirely _hysterical_. In fact, I was seriously unsure what would come out of my mouth. Laughter? Sarcasm? Anger? I had so much pent up emotion after all these years of _frustration – confusion – boredom – anger - fear - loneliness - regret_.

 

How much of this was I blaming on Jack? At the moment, it felt like a hell of a lot. I had thought so many times…

 

 _Why didn’t he save me?_  
Why didn’t he leave me behind that day?  
Why didn’t he know they’d use germ warfare?  
**Why? Why? Why?**

He was looking at me closely. He looked a bit concerned. I guess I must have been scowling. I must have been giving him the _I-want-to-maim-or-kill-you_ look. It was stupid – after _all_ this time – and it wasn’t even his _fault_ – and it hadn’t even happened to _this_ Jack - so I just shook it off – best I could.

 

 _This is your second chance,_ I reminded myself.

 

“So… Captain Harkness… what are you working on?” Oh, that was such a _lame question._

“Jack, _please,_ ” he insisted and flashed me that staggering grin.

 

“Wow. That’s quite the smile you’ve got there.” The words just flew out of my mouth.  _Shit. I can’t believe I said that out loud_.

 

“Ah… _thank you,_ ” he grinned. “Alright if I call you Ianto?” He put down the part he was working on and shimmied under the console. He was lying on his back but he could still see me from where I was standing. Then he started rolling my name around in his mouth. I had to steady myself against the railing. I _swear_ my knees went weak. “ _Ii-aa-n-t-oo._ _Ooooh._ ” He shivered. “I love that name. Welsh is such a… _nice_ language. Especially when spoken by such a gorgeous guy like yourself…” and again he flashed me the megawatt smile.

 

It’s undeniable - it really is - he is one fucking gorgeous man.

 

I may have sighed – _loudly_.

 

This was dangerous territory. I had to keep it clean. The Doctor would be none too pleased with either of us and I desperately needed his help. So I did my best to steer the conversation off its current course and away from any rolling of anything in anyone’s mouth. Frankly, I think I deserve a freaking medal. My hormones were doing the rumba and Jack was smelling very, very yummy.

 

_Damn those pheromones!_

 

“How did it get broken?” I asked soberly.

 

“Well… it’s not actually broken. We just need to speed things up a bit. The Doctor wants to get out of here a little faster so I’m rigging this tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator so the TARDIS can use it as a power source.”

 

“Uh..mmm. That’s quite a mouth full. Is it going to work?” _Why do I keep coming back to his mouth?_

 

“Of course it’s going to work!”

 

“You have _no idea_ do you?”

 

He chuckled and confessed, “No… actually… I have no idea.”

 

“You’ll figure it out. I’m sure you’re good at this type of thing.”

 

“I am actually.” He looked at me funny just then and asked, “Have we met before? You seem… very familiar.”

 

“Nope. You definitely don’t know me.”

 

“How do ya know the Doctor? It was kinda weird how you just happened to be outside the TARDIS today. Most people don’t even notice it. They just walk on by.”

 

“You just have to know where to look.”

 

“And you do?”

 

“What?”

 

“Know where to look?”

 

I nodded. “I do.”

 

“It’s strange. So how do ya know him? You travel with him before?”

 

“No. I've never travelled with him.” I bit my lip.

 

He looked rather disappointed with my evasive answer. “It’s okay," he said encouragingly. "You can tell me. I’m trustworthy,” he added with a very naughty looking grin.

 

I barked out a laugh that shocked him. He pouted and tried to look hurt but the lie was just too obvious to the both of us.

 

“Trustworthy? Really? Can you even say that with a straight face?”

 

“Ouch. That really hurt. I’ll have you know that I’m reformed… since I met the Doctor and Rose. I’ve reformed.” His voice went up an octave at the end of his last word. _Liar!_ He was still grinning through his attempt at a pained look. All in all, not very convincing.

 

“So?” he prodded.

 

He’s like a damn dog with a bone. “We have a mutual friend. He’s told me about the doctor. I thought he could help me with my little problem.”

 

“You said you have a timeline problem right?”

 

I must have had an _oh-shit-you’re-not-supposed-to-know-that_ face because he tried to reassure me as my mouth flapped open and I rolled up into a tense little ball of stress. He sat up and raised a hand in apology. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to eavesdrop… I have really good hearing… plus I’m kind of nosey. It’s okay though… I won’t say anything… I promise.”

 

I backed up a bit. I needed a moment to straighten out my thoughts. How much did he _hear_? How the hell did I end up in a spaceship with (a younger version of) Jack? Of all people? Of all the places? How did this shit keep happening to me?

 

_I’m a crazy-alien-shit magnet._

My reaction must have been pretty extreme because he looked at me like I might just run away or something. The next thing I knew he was standing right beside me looking very nervous. “Hey, don’t freak out okay? The Doc’s gonna kill me if you bolt. I’m sorry. I’ll stop asking questions. I’m sorry. Just don’t go anywhere.” He spoke in a gentle voice with raised open hands, just like you would a spooked horse.

 

I flinched a smidgeon when I realized he was standing right next to me. “Ya. I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere. But I think you need to stop asking me so many questions.”

 

“Okay,” he said as he held up his hands in surrender, “No problem. Good as done!” Then with a smile that was meant to look innocuous, he went back to the console and picked up his repairs where he’d left off. He was doing his best to act nonchalantly but he kept glancing in my direction every few seconds.

 

It took me a few moments to relax and after a bit of reflection, I realized that I’d stumbled into quite a unique situation. What an excellent opportunity this was, finally a chance to _ask_ some questions. He didn’t even know who I was - had no reason to keep his past a secret from me - it’s not as if I worked for him. So I totally snooped.

 

“So where are you from Jack?” I leaned up against the nearest column of coral and took great pleasure in the view.

 

“Ahhh.” He hesitated and looked at me as if he was assessing my trustworthiness.

 

“It’s okay. You can tell me. I’m _trustworthy_.” I laughed at my own joke mostly to lighten the mood but I was also trying to give the impression that I didn’t really care about his answer as much as I did.

 

He smiled and shrugged. “I’m from a little place called the Boeshane Peninsula. It’s… it’s in the Isop Galaxy. I’m kinda far from home.” His voice took on a distant edge and became quieter as he spoke his last words. I looked carefully at his face; he seemed sad and his eyes seemed to be seeing something far, far away.

 

“Thank you,” I said. The words just slipped out before I realized how strange and out of place they’d sounded. “It’s hard… being so far away from home.”

 

“Mmmm.”

 

“So how long have you been travelling with the Doctor?” I asked quickly hoping to change the mood.

 

“Well, it seems like a long time but it hasn’t been that long actually… time moves strangely in the TARDIS. I met him and Rose in London during the war.”

 

“Were you in the military?”

 

“No… not really.” He seemed hesitant again.

 

I was a little confused. “So what was your job then?”

 

“Well… I was running a few cons actually. Not really proud of that time of my life…” He looked genuinely embarrassed.

 

This Jack was so different, so raw. His emotions were so close to the surface, so easy to read, nothing like my Jack. Something big must have happened between now and then for him to change so dramatically.

 

“How did you end up in London?”

 

“I was avoiding the Time Agency and it seemed like a good place to hide while I made some money.”

 

“What’s the Time Agency?”

 

He pursed his lips, thought it over and then answered. “It’s a huge organization that kind of monitors and polices time. I guess they’re kind of like the Doctor only they’ve got a financial agenda as well.”

 

“That’s huge.” I was shocked. What a concept. Time police? _Holy crap!_ “Were you… a Time Agent?”

 

“Ya. For a while. But then ... we had a falling out and I left. They didn’t _like_ that too much. No one _leaves_.”

 

“That’s amazing.” I was awed - seriously awed. I always thought Jack was cool but this just took him to a whole new level of cool.

 

Now, all I had to do was manage to keep my clothes on until the Doctor got back and not spill the beans. What could be easier?

 

**_To be continued… Chapter 8: Pandimensional Surfboards are Stupid  
_ **


	8. Pandimensional Surfboards are Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto takes a quick trip in the TARDIS and spends some quality time with the Doctor, Rose and a couple of Jacks. 
> 
> Ianto’s New Timeline: September 8, 2005

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/content: for DW1.11 Boomtown, 9th Doctor crossover, probably swearing, probably sexual innuendo, probably OOC for everybody

**BEEP—BEEP—BEEP**

****

I looked down towards the quiet beeping sound and I realized it was coming from Jack’s fancy surfboard. I could see a little red light flashing on the underside. I bent down and turned it over so I could get a better look.

 

“Ah… Jack? Is this thing supposed to be beeping and blinking?”

 

“What thing? What? That? It’s beeping? Oh, no! No! No! That’s **_not_** good.” I was crouched down over the beeping and blinking surfboard and he quickly scooted over next to me. He took it and turned it over in his hands to examine the dials. “This is not supposed to be doing that,” he said with apprehension threaded through his voice.

 

“Can you hear that?”

 

“What? What’s beeping now?”

 

  
“No, it’s not beeping I hear… it’s like thunder. Can’t you feel it? Like an earthqu-a– oh shit. Something’s wrong with the rift! Dammit! Why’d the Doctor have to go and have a date tonight? I told him…” I just muttered away to myself, pacing and pulling at my hair like a crazy old man.

 

 

Jack ran to the monitor and checked the readings. They verified my prediction. The rift was opening right above us. It was the _stupid-beepy-blinky-surfboard_ after all! I knew that thing was no good!

 

“It’s the extrapolator! It’s locked onto the TARDIS’s power source and its ripping the rift wide open!” He was frantically running around the console lurching back and forth spinning dials and flipping switches but to no avail. The thunder and quaking just kept getting stronger.

 

 

“Shut it off!”

 

“I can’t!”

 

“Disconnect it!”

 

“I did!”

 

“What?”

 

“It’s disconnected!”

 

“What the fuck!?”

 

“No idea!”

 

We stood there, eyes locked across the console, sweating, panting, hearts pounding and all the while there was a little itch in the back of my brain. It just hovered and poked annoyingly persistent. Like a memory only less familiar—like someone whispering in my ear—only more annoying than that.

 

Then I got an idea. “We need a containment unit!

 

“Great idea!”

 

“Well?”

 

“I dunno! I’ve no idea where the Doctor’d keep a containment unit!”

 

“The rift is going to rip this city apart! We need one now Jack!”

 

Then I heard it again only this time it was much clearer.

 

_*Sonic screwdriver*_

_*Torchwood*_

“What the **_HELL_** was that?” I thought maybe he’d heard it too.

 

“WHAT NOW?!” He hadn’t. He looked frantically around the room.

 

“Nothing,” I muttered. I was finally losing my mind. But this was a bad time to loose one’s mind so tentatively I said, “I keep hearing whispering in my head. It’s driving me nuts.” I felt like a crazy person.

 

“Whispering? Whispering. Hmmm. Like what?” he pondered. “Oh hell, Ianto is this really the time?” He was getting fed up and I couldn’t really blame him.

 

“What’s a sonic screwdriver?”

 

He frowned but held his left hand up for me to see. He was holding a little silver gadget in it. “Like this?”

 

“I don’t know? **_It_** just told me to use it… OH! I know! I KNOW how to use it! I know where I can find a containment unit too! Give it to me!” I lurched towards him and held out my hand. 

 

“What are you going to do with it?” He closed his fist tightly around the Doctor’s sonic.

 

“I’ll bring it back I promise!”

 

“NO WAY! The Doctor will KILL me if I give you his sonic and let you run off with it!”

 

“I promise,” I begged. I stepped up and put a hand on his shoulder and I looked into his eyes. “We don’t have time. I think the ship is talking to me. It told me what to do. You have to shut it off and I have to get this thing away from it. I know how to get into Torchwood—it’s just below us. I’m going to take the stupid surfboard—”

 

“Extrapolator!”

 

“Whatever! I’ll take it down into the Torchwood vault. It’ll block the signal and then you can close the rift. I’ll come right back. I swear it Jack.”

 

“I don’t know…” He bit his lip while he considered.

 

“We don’t have time for this. Look, is it possible for the ship to be talking to me? Have I totally dropped my basket?”

 

“It’s possible. It’s telepathic. But why you?”

 

“I have _NO_ idea. We have to hurry. Now, give it to me.” I held out my hand again.

 

“Fine ... here ... take it ... be careful ... and _please_ come back.”

 

“I will!” I yelled over my shoulder as I ran out of the TARDIS with the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver in one hand and that _cursed-blinky-beepy-surfboard_ in the other.

 

My mind was reeling. The ship was talking to me. What the hell was wrong with me?

 

_How many times do I have to say it?_

_I’m a crazy-alien-shit magnet!_

*******

**I HAD A** couple of choices. I could get in through the Tourist Office entrance or the lift. The lift would be much faster, more direct as long as the screwdriver worked like the TARDIS said it would.

 

I ran towards the stone I’d been so familiar with in my past life. I’d stood on this very spot and used this lift so many times but it was always Jack’s wrist strap or someone inside who’d activated it.

 

So I cleared my mind of everything except the thought, _*Activate the invisible lift_ * and I pressed the button on the Doctor’s Sonic Screwdriver. The buzzing sound it emitted was comforting and the little blue light soothing. The stone jerked once and then began its decent into the depths of the Torchwood hub.

 

It was dark and strangely quiet. It was missing something… then I realized… I couldn’t hear Myfanwy’s dulcet screeches in the background.

 

Above me though, I could still hear the rumbling, ripping sounds of the aggravated rift and feel the trembling, jerking spasms as the Earth above me cracked and tore apart.

 

I silently prayed that the hub would be empty, that I could just contain this stupid pandimensional surfboard and get the hell out of there.

 

The lights were low, lower than normal and I couldn’t see any movement on the ground floor or in Jack’s office. As soon as the lift collided with the floor, I jumped off it and sprinted for the containment unit built into the far wall. It didn’t need a code but it was a bitch to open. But I’d long since mastered its little complexities. I slid the outer latch to the right and gave it a wack with my fist. And like magic it popped open.

 

One down and one to go.

 

As I slid the drawer out towards me I started praying silently again that the inner lock-box wasn’t locked… but this time I wasn’t so lucky. It was locked up tight.

 

**_Shit!_ **

****

I still had the beeping flashing surfboard in one hand and the sonic screwdriver in the other. It had worked on the lift but on a padlock? How could I know? Even if it could unlock a padlock I had _no idea_ how to do it.

 

_*Just think it*_

There is was again - the ship - in my damn head! The whispering sound of her voice was disconcerting to say the least.

 

But I did as I was told. I thought * _Unlock*_

  
I pushed the button and thought my brains out.

 

 

**_Click_ **

****

“Alright! Two for two! TARDIS you rock!” I was so happy the damn thing worked I almost did a dance of joy – _almost_.

 

I slipped the now _thoroughly-hated-cursed-blinky-beepy_ pandimensional surfboard into the alien lock-box and slammed it shut. I slid the drawer back into the shelf and heaved an incredibly loud sigh of relief. I put my hands on the wall and just hung my head a moment while I tried to catch my breath.

 

Gradually, the rumbling sound from above started to quiet and the shaking started to subside.

 

It worked. Thank goodness. Now, it was time to get back to the TARDIS. The Doctor would be so mad at Jack if I lost his sonic screwdriver.

 

But then the quiet hub seemed a bit less quiet all of a sudden… and I heard shuffling and then a **_click_**. I knew that **_click_**. Damn that **_click_** could mean only one thing.

 

“Turn around. Slowly. Hands in air. Where I can see them.” His voice was low and menacing. I knew that voice too.

 

This was **_not_** a good thing.

 

The Doctor was gonna be so _pissed_.

 

I held up my hands as directed and turned to face him. “I was gonna leave a note…” I said cheekily.

 

Oops. I’d miscalculated. I turned and was greeted by not one but a total of five rather large guns pointed right at my face.

 

Out of habit, I sought out the faces that were attached to the arms that wielded those guns. Then, I smiled. I beamed. I almost started crying.

 

I looked at her, all serious, trying to look tough.

 

What a sight. What an angel.

 

“ _Tosh_ , oh my god it’s so good to see you,” I blurted. “I forgot…” my voice caught in my throat. “You’re so beautiful, ” I whispered. I bit my lip so I wouldn’t say anything more incriminating. In the tense silence I realized how constricted my chest felt and how bitterly my eyes stung. I was utterly shocked to see my beloved dear friend standing before me. It had been so long. Her first death would not be in vain if I had _anything_ to say about it.

 

Jack looked questioningly at her? She had no idea who I was. She shrugged. That just pissed him off more.

 

I probably shouldn’t have said anything—especially not her damn name. Oooh well, it was too late to do anything about it now.

 

He raised his gun a little higher and brandished it even more aggressively. “Who the hell are you? And what the hell are you doing in here?” he demanded.

 

“Better question Jack… how the hell did he know how to open that stupid thing? I can’t even open it half the time…” The man to his right muttered as only Owen could. Of course, Owen would have two guns. Who the hell points two guns at someone? I’ll bet he’d watched too many crap action movies lately.

 

Jack seemed to think about it a minute and nodded. Then he frowned. He took a step forward and stared pointedly at my hand.

 

I held the screwdriver out for him so he could see it more clearly.

 

I nodded carefully. “It **_is_** what you **_think_** it is. I need to give it back to him. That thing I put in the lock-box was ripping the rift open so I had to get it away from the TARDIS.” I was so nervous my voice was jerky and a little too high pitched. I felt like I was regressing in age back before puberty. “You should probably not open it for a while.” I shrugged, my hands still high in the air above my head, and smiled a little mischievously.

 

Jack stood there, clearly shocked and at a complete loss for words.  Then he lowered his gun and holstered it. He told the others, “Put ‘em away. He’s okay.” Tosh and Owen lowered their guns and hesitantly wandered off to their respective work stations.

 

Suzie stood her ground and demanded, “Who the hell is he Jack?”

 

“I said he’s alright. Now, go back to work Suzie.” He looked at her pointedly.

 

She looked at him stubbornly, refusing to lower her eyes but eventually went back to her workstation. The entire team kept an eye on me though while I spoke to Jack in private.

 

“Can I put my hands down now? My arms are getting really tired,” I whined.

 

“Ya. Of course.” He ran a hand through his hair and then looked up. “He’s up there?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You travel with him?”

 

“No.”

 

“What’s with the one word answers? You were rambling a few minutes ago?”

 

“I was panicking.” I chuckled and was rewarded with a gleaming smile.

 

“Can I see that?”

 

“Sure. But I…” I hesitated and clutched the sonic to my chest. “… have to give it back… soon… I promised.” I bit my lip. I was worried that he would confiscate it or something.

 

He nodded in agreement. I placed the sonic screwdriver in his open hand. He inspected it closely and pushed the button.

 

“This is his,” he confirmed, his voice strangely quiet.

 

“Ya. It is.”

 

“Had to check.” He shrugged and then passed it back to me. I had to admit that I was breathing much easier once it was safely back in my pocket.

 

“So how do ya know Tosh? She doesn’t know you.” He looked at me expectantly.

 

I flinched and shook my head. I whispered “I can’t say. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have called her by name. I was… just surprised.”

 

“I see. Is it a timey-wimey thing?”

 

I nodded emphatically and stole a final glance at Tosh and Owen.

 

“Okay.” He shrugged, nodded and just accepted my ridiculous excuse. “How’d you get into the hub exactly? Do I need to upgrade my security?”

 

I shook my head. “No. I came down the lift.” I tossed my head in its direction.

 

He frowned. “How did ya know it was there? It’s invisible.”

 

“Yes, it _is_ invisible. You’re _right_. It is _definitely_ invisible. Would you believe the Doctor told me about it?”

 

“I might.” He didn’t look very convinced though. I was doing a piss poor job of this. My stealth had gone down the drain in a matter of seconds.

 

“Your security is fine. We needed your containment unit. I’m sorry I didn’t have time to ask permission. We were in a bit of a hurry.”

 

“He’s always in a hurry,” he countered. He huffed out a breath and then motioned towards the lift with a wave of his hand. I went first and he followed. “Well, we’d better get you back up there. He’ll be wanting his sonic back.” He stepped onto the lift and waited patiently for me the climb aboard.

 

My mouth hung open, unattractively no doubt, and I sputtered. “You **_can’t_** … you **_really_** shouldn’t… I should go alone.” I winced. He could be so contrary. There was no way in hell he’d stay down here now.

 

He tilted his head and looked at me, puzzled. He frowned and pursed his lips. Finally, he shook his head and then crossed his arms with an unmistakable finality that I’d seen many times in the past.  “Sorry. Can’t do that. Now, you’ve piqued my curiosity.”

 

“ _Damn._ ” I knew it. I got on the lift and pouted a little. Couldn’t help it. “He’s gonna be mad at me you know? Please, just don’t go **_into_** the TARDIS okay?”

 

“Ohhh. Am **_I_** in there?” He was grinning and obviously excited. “I’ve never seen myself before…”

 

“Oh God, please! He’ll _KILL_ me! You **_can’t_**! He’ll never forgive me!” I begged. I actually clasped my hands and begged. I was seriously begging.

 

“Okay… okay. I won’t go in. But could you at least ask him to come out?” He pleaded and actually batted his eyelashes at me.

 

“I’ll ask but Jack… I don’t think he will. Things are really confusing right now.” I shook my head.

 

He considered what I said and he agreed. “You’re probably right. But I really have to talk to him. Would you please try?”

 

“Of course. I’ll try. Hell, I’ll beg, I’ll… guilt trip… whatever I can think of.”

 

He smiled widely. “Thanks. Hey! How come ya know my name… oh never mind. Stupid question. You’ve already met me… other me is in the TARDIS right? But why don’t I remember you? That’s weird. Isn’t it?”

 

“Oh. Shit. I have no idea. We’d have to… ahhh… ask the Doctor.” My headache was steadily growing out of control so I grabbed my temples and tried to stop the pounding. “I am in soooo much shit.”  I started to fret. I was going to be scolded, throttled and perhaps tossed out on my ear.

 

The lift came to a jerky stop as the stone slid back into place on the Plas. I was extremely relieved to see that the TARDIS was still there. I turned to Jack, quickly put my palms on his chest and held him in place. It was an intimate gesture but I barely noticed it at the time. Jack did and he brought his own hands up to cover mine.

 

“You have to stay here, on the stone, alright? I’ll go get him. Here. Take the screwdriver. I’ll tell him you want to give it back to him.” He grinned and squeezed my hand. He looked like he wanted to kiss me. I definitely wanted to kiss him so I did. Just a light peck on the lips but it was like heaven after all this time. His eyes sparkled and I knew the next time we met things would be very _interesting_.

 

I strode over towards the TARDIS and knocked on the door. The other Jack opened it and motioned for me to come in. He stood at the threshold a moment and scanned the Plas. He must have sensed someone or something but I was sure he couldn’t see his future self.

 

“Ianto, you saved the day! Now, where’s my screwdriver? Hmm?”

 

“That’s... what I wanted to talk to you about…”

 

“YOU DIDN’T!” Jack shouted and looked between me and the Doctor with absolute remorse.

 

I held up my hands to forestall the sputtering panic that was sure to follow. “It’s alright. I didn’t lose it. It’s fine. Don’t worry. Just a little snag is all.” I turned to the Doctor. “There’s someone who needs to talk to you. He has your sonic thingy and I promised that I would ask you… beg you if necessary… to come outside and talk to him.”

 

“Ianto… I don’t…”

 

“It was the only way to stop him from barging in here. He promised that he would stay on the perception filter if you came out and got your screwdriver yourself. It’s a fair trade.”

 

“Oh… _alright_. But you’re coming with me!” He was pissed. Just like I thought he would be. In fact, he looked like he might take me by the ear and drag me around a bit.

 

“No problem.” I gulped.

 

“You and I… **_serious talk_** … young man!”

 

“I know… I know, Doctor. Believe me, I know,” I said, while I winced madly.

 

We stepped out of the TARDIS and the moment the Doctor looked towards the invisible lift his whole body tensed. He closed the TARDIS firmly behind us and ran his hands across her lovely blue door frame.

 

“She’s been talking to you. Hmm? She likes you. But _this_ Ianto? Things are complicated enough without adding more _Jacks_ to the current situation don’t you think?”

 

“Of course. But the rift? I couldn’t think of anything else! And the TARDIS ... well it just kept whispering to me.  It—she told me how to use the sonic screwdriver and what to do with the surfboard thing. I just did what came to mind. I did what was familiar. I know Torchwood. I honestly didn’t expect Jack to be there. But I should’ve known better. I know that now. I’m sorry I’ve made things more difficult for you—it wasn’t my intention at all, Sir.” I was really worried that he’d never forgive me. I felt terrible.

 

“There, there, don’t fret. I’m not really angry. I know how the TARDIS likes to meddle sometimes. She’s quite stubborn you know. Gives me a run for my money.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me half a hug. He led us towards the veiled stone where Jack stood waiting for us as promised.

 

We walked towards him arm in arm. I could feel the tension growing in the Doctor’s body with each step. As soon as we got close Jack stepped off the lift and came nose to nose with the Doctor. The tension that had been growing in the Doctor seemed ready to erupt.  Very subtly I tried to disengage myself from the Doctor’s embrace but he just gripped me more tightly. The Doctor looked at Jack curiously but the dark accusing glare that Jack directed at the Doctor made him flinch. I was shocked. I thought this would be a joyful reunion. After all that I’d seen between the Jack in the TARDIS and the Doctor I wouldn’t have expected anything else.

 

“What happened Doctor?” When he finally spoke, his voice was strained and angry and hurt.

 

“I ... I don’t know. I’m sorry Jack. What ever happened to you hasn’t happened yet… not in my timeline.”

 

“But you feel it? You can tell something’s not right… that I’m different?”

 

“Yes,” he nodded and with a great deal of effort he met Jack’s eyes again. “Your timeline is very painful for me.”

 

“For you! What about me? You just have to look at me! I have to live with this! I was dead. Then I wasn’t. But you left me. You abandoned me. For over a hundred years I’ve been waiting to ask you—just to talk to you—why did you leave me?” The fuel seemed to have burned out of his anger and all that was left was disappointment and sadness. “Can’t you just fix me Doc?” He pleaded, his voice quiet and weak.

 

“Oh Jack. I’m sooo sorry. I don’t even know what happened. I have no idea how to fix you.”

 

“How can you **_not_** know? You know everything?”

 

“No. I don’t. I really don’t.” He was trembling now. I think I was the only thing holding him up. I think Jack saw that too. I think he took pity on the Doctor and that’s why he stopped yelling. He leaned forwards, tucked his head between us, wrapped his arms around us and pulled us against him desperately.

 

The Doctor returned his embrace and I was trapped in the embrace. I felt like an intruder, watching such an intimate moment. I had no idea they were like this. I thought they were lovers but what I felt between them was friendship and compassion _not_ lust and passion. For so many years, I’d envied this man—well not really a _man—_ and then suddenly I didn’t.

 

We stood like that for a long while. It was a comfort that was long overdue. Then when the Doctor finally spoke, he was sombre. “You know I’d love to invite you along Jack but you’re already in there.” He grinned at the ridiculousness of the situation—we all did.

 

“That’s alright Doc. I’ve got a good team. They need me. But maybe I’ll take a rain-check ya?”

 

“Definitely. The next time I’m in town I’ll drop by.”

 

While Jack still held us in either arm, he titled his head a little nearer to my ear and whispered, “I never did catch your name?”

 

“Ianto. Ianto Jones.” I whispered back. I decided it was a good time as any to thoroughly screw with the universe so I said, “Mind if I call you about a job in a few months sir? I‘ve got some good references.” My laughter spread to Jack and then to the Doctor. We eased our way out of the group hug and stood there a moment longer.

 

“Soooo. Jack?”

 

“Yes, Doctor?”

 

“About my sonic screwdriver?”

 

* * *

To be continued… Chapter 9: Parting Gifts


	9. Parting Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto takes a quick trip in the TARDIS and spends some quality time with the Doctor, Rose and mortal-Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/spoilers/content: M/M hot-tub slash, sappiness, 9th Doctor crossover, probably swearing, probably sexual innuendo
> 
> Ianto’s New Timeline: September 9-10, 2005

 

 **ONCE BACK IN THE TARDIS** , the Doctor noticeably relaxed and became outwardly jovial but I could see he was still perplexed about Jack’s future condition. With a look and a nod, we’d reached a tacit agreement between us that we wouldn’t speak of our conversation in front of the others. I was anxious for a chance to speak with the Doctor in private, though. There were so many things we needed to discuss.

 

“So Ianto, we still need to have **_that_** chat. How’d you feel about coming along for a little trip? Just a quick trip mind you. Just have to drop Margaret off.” He was zipping ‘round the console and he had a slightly glossy, wild gleam in his eyes that made me more than a little nervous but I couldn’t resist the chance to see another planet.

 

“That sounds interesting. Where is Margaret by the way? I didn’t see her…” My eyes panned around the room but the only thing I saw out of place (relatively speaking) was a pile of clothes on the floor and an egg. The pile on the floor turned out to be Margaret’s skin suit.

 

Well, it seems while I was down below having a gaggle of guns waved in my face Margaret was up here being transformed into an egg by the TARDIS. According to the Doctor, the ship was a she, sentient and telepathic in addition to being quite headstrong. As far as I could tell, she was also quite actively involved in people’s lives – _for a spaceship_.

 

 

 

 

“She’s an egg.” I was holding Margaret. The murderess. The gigantic alien, who used to inhabit the skin suit of one of her murder victims, was now an egg. It took me a few minutes to wrap my head around it.

 

“Ye ** _p_**. She is an egg— _again_. Isn’t that fantastic?” The Doctor looked thoroughly pleased about this turn of events. I gathered it was because we were now going to hand her over to the _hatchery_ rather than the _hatchet_ — well, acid bath in actual fact.

 

“She’s an egg.” I shook my head vigorously then apologized abashedly. “Sorry. Just had to say it out loud again.”

 

Rose smiled and patted me affectionately on the back. “It’s okay you know. We all had a go. I’m sure I said it at least once.” I had to admit her smile was quite contagious.

 

“Ya, me too,” admitted Jack.

 

We took Margaret back to her home planet, which turned out to be called Raxacoricofallapatorious. It was pretty uneventful—you know, as far as travelling through time and space to another planet in another galaxy goes.

 

It took about five minutes in all for us to move from the broken rubble strewn Welsh Plas to the nondescript hallway just outside the Slitheen Hatchery on the alien planet of Raxacoricofallapatorious.

 

The Doctor assured us that most Slitheen were quite nice and Margaret was an exception. So out we tumbled, the four of us, from the little blue box with the Doctor in the lead. He held Margaret the egg gently in both of his hands. We knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer.

 

Quite frankly, I was looking forward to meeting a nice alien for a change or at the very least, one that didn’t want to kill me.

 

The door was answered by a very tall, very large eyed, very long limbed, very sweet tempered slightly green nursemaid. She was overjoyed to receive the orphaned egg and thanked us profusely. We watched as she placed the egg into a heated compartment alongside hundreds of others.

 

Then we went back to the TARDIS. The Doctor probably didn’t want to push his luck. Nothing bad had happened yet, best not hang around or something just might.

 

 **ROSE AND JACK WERE WHINING INCESSANTLY** about missing their Tea so the Doctor acquiesced and found us a nice safe place to stop.

 

We (Rose and I) watched while the Doctor (with Jack’s able assistance) piloted the TARDIS into the Void.

 

He led us down a winding corridor, which had many rooms running off it. Midway between here and there, the Doctor made a suggestion. “Think about what you fancy for your sup, Ianto.” I nodded and followed along closely. It was a maze and I certainly wouldn’t be able to find my way back if I were alone. After a few moments of aimless wandering, we came to the kitchen. It was lovely.

 

“Hey,” Rose commented, “It’s different from yesterday. Why’d she do that I wonder?” She ran her hand over the smooth marble countertop with admiration.

 

“Probably because we have a special guest.” The Doctor smiled at me and then eagerly ducked his head into the refrigerator. “She likes Ianto. I think she’s done something extra special just for him.”

 

“She’s probably thankful he got that surfboard away from her,” suggested Rose.

 

Jack nodded and added, “Ya, probably. Did I tell you? She was talking to him directly. Doc is that normal? How come she doesn’t talk to me?”

 

“She doesn’t talk to me either.” Rose stuck out her bottom lip and had a good pout.

 

“I told you,” said the Doctor. “She likes him.” He just smiled and winked at me.

 

“So… Ianto?” inquired the Doctor. “What’s your favorite food?” He still had his head in the fridge so his voice echoed a bit.

 

I thought about it then said, “Today, I’d have to say salmon sushi.” I smirked thinking there was no way he’d have that in his fridge.

 

“That’s what I thought you’d say!” He turned around and on a lovely blue ceramic-looking tray someone had arranged a fresh assortment of sushi—salmon sushi to be exact.

 

“How’d you know that?” I was baffled. I’d only just had a craving for it today. I hadn’t wanted sushi in months.

 

“What are the chances of that?” mused Jack. He pulled out a few drawers in search of utensils and returned to the table with four sets of chopsticks in hand. “Here we are,” he said.

 

“Wow. Thank you. This is… amazing. Do you think your ship knows I’m thankful?” I was so impressed.

 

“Sure. She’s telepathic and obviously paying very close attention to you at the moment, which incidentally makes me quite curious.”

 

“Mmmmm,” said Rose.

 

“Uuhh mmm,” said Jack.

 

Then they both laughed.

 

 **THE FOOD AND DRINK WERE GREAT** and the company even better. It felt like a dream, sitting there having sushi with Jack, the Doctor and Rose about a hundred years before I was even supposed to meet Jack. I was probably breaking at least a few time travelling laws in the process.

 

The quick little trip the Doctor spoke of turned into a rather long feast, accompanied by copious amounts of alcohol and a few killer games of Jenga.

 

By _very, very late o’clock,_ an extremely bleary-eyed Doctor started insisting that I stay the night in the TARDIS. Being unprecedentedly bleary-eyed myself, I graciously accepted.

 

Once again, he led us down a winding corridor. We went left, then right then left again… until we arrived at my room. The Doctor showed me how to adjust the lights and temperature and then dragged me out into the hallway again.

 

“Okey dokey… if you want the bathroom you just have to think about it really hard and the TARDIS will manifest a bathroom for you across the way. See?” He opened the door across the hall and low and behold, there was a lovely bathroom complete with a bubbling hot tub.

 

“Cool,” was all I got out.

 

“Nice bathroom…” leered Jack “Mine doesn’t have a hot tub…” he whined. “Can I share yours? He grinned.

 

“By all means Jack,” I leered back. “You can share my hot tub any time you like…” I was grinning like a maniac or a chocolate addict in front of an all you can eat chocolate buffet.

 

“Enough!” yelped the Doctor. “I do not want to witness your unhygienic primitive mating rituals!” He had his eyes clamped shut and was flailing his hands about his head.

 

But Rose had a **_completely_** different take on our unhygienic primitive mating rituals. “You two are **_so_** hot,” panted Rose as she fanned herself ineffectually with her hand.

 

“That’s it!” blurted the Doctor. “I’m going to bed…” And with that, he stomped down the hallway.

 

“Wait!” called Rose. “I’ll come with you!” She was leering too as she waved to us over her shoulder.

 

“So how does a nice massage sound?” Jack asked and raised an eyebrow suggestively. “I’m pretty good—one might say unforgettable even. I could give you a massage _in_ the steamy hot tub if you like?” Jack looked eager and his voice had taken on a needy raspy quality.

 

“Oh ya, that would be brilliant.” I grinned maniacally.

 

“Great! Come on.” He pulled me inside.

 

I leaned over the edge and tested the water. The water was hot and bubbly and inviting. I turned my head around to say something to Jack but the words were gone the second I saw his face. He was leaning up against the wall; his bright blue shirt was already on the floor right next to his discarded shoes and socks.

 

And his eyes were **_burning_** into me.

 

He’d been staring at my well-toned, delightfully shaped arse currently encased in formfitting jeans, which just happened to be pointed in his direction through no fault of my own.

 

I know—I’m a terrible tease—I should be **_punished_**.

 

I’ll take that punishment **_in_** the hot tub—please and thank you.

 

I was going to say something clever or flirty or both but the words caught in my throat and I had a hard time swallowing.

 

_Jack._

_Jack half-naked._

_Jack half-naked and tanned all over._

_Jack half-naked and tanned all over and hard._

_Jack half-naked and tanned all over and hard everywhere, with lust burning in his gorgeous blue eyes._

_Looking at me._

  


[ ](https://sites.google.com/site/blueceinwen/home/parting-gifts/JACK%20naked.jpg)

 

_Oh, gulp, fuck ya._

_Timeline… smimeline…_

“It’s… hot,” was all I could get out.

 

“It is,” was all he said.

 

Only one thought went through my mind. _Oh Gods, you are so fucking hot!_

 

“So about that massage?” I asked. I am not only a tease but I am an evil tease as well.

 

“Coming right up,” he said. The words rolled off his tongue like honeyed wine. He glided forward, feet barely touching the floor. He took hold of the bottom of my shirt and leered suggestively, “Allow me?”

 

I nodded. “Thank you, you’re too kind.” My face had started to hurt. The grin was locked in place.

 

He smirked, obviously enjoying my droll humour and pulled my shirt up over my head. He chucked it over his shoulder and it landed conveniently onto his pile.

 

His warm, strong, smooth hands came to rest on my shoulders. He kneaded my tense muscles and seemed to be determining my current state of tension and perhaps my level of need. Need for a massage, of course.

 

“You’re tense. I think I’ll start here.” Then he slid his hands down my arms and explored my muscles there. He liked what he saw and felt. He said, “Nice arms.”

 

“Thank you,” I muttered.

 

“But what about here?” He asked as he turned me around so that he could inspect my back more closely. He ran his hands up and down my back and then gripped my waist. Still gripping me, he moved forward so that his chest was flush against my back. “Would you like to get in the hot tub now?” He breathed in my ear.

 

“Absolutely” I answered. I undid my jeans but realized I’d forgotten to take off my shoes. There was a chair placed within easy reach of the hot tub so I slipped out of Jack’s grip and moved towards the chair. I think he moaned softly when I broke away but _that was the plan man_.

 

I sat down, my jeans still hanging open like a super-sexy Calvin Klein model, and took off my shoes and socks. Then I stood up and slid my jeans and boxers down my legs. I kept my eyes down mostly because I wanted to keep Jack on his toes and partly because if I looked at him I’d be at his mercy.

 

I threw my jeans over the back of the chair and then I sauntered over to the hot tub. I climbed over the top and slid my body into the bubbling swirling water. It was so hot and soothing I groaned in pleasure. “Ohhh, that’s so good.”

 

“Hey, I haven’t even started yet.” He was naked by this time and standing there proudly. He looked a little frustrated by my independent undressing and subsequent immersion but he was obviously gathering his strength for his next attempt.

 

“Well, then you’d better get started.” My voice was dreamy, my eyes closed and my head was lolling back over the lip of the pool.

 

I heard a splash and felt Jack move in front of me. His hands returned to his promised starting point. He began kneading my shoulders and arms and worked my upper body into a nice pool of jelly. He ran his fingers through my curly chest hair and grazed my nipples as often as he could.

 

He was standing in front of me and I was perched on the submerged chair when his hands started caressing my face.  When I opened my eyes, I was looking into his. He had moved between my legs and our skin touched in a few places.

 

I was trying to focus on the massage—I really was—but in my head I was having a battle of wills. The good part of my brain was arguing with the naughty part of my brain over our current predicament. Sex could come so naturally from this little foray into massage heaven. It might also be a huge mistake on my part. I’d decided to play it cool for as long as I could but who was I kidding?

 

You’d have to be a flipping saint to not desire this and you’d have to have preternatural self-control to walk away empty handed…

 

“Why don’t you move over there and I’ll do your back?” Jack suggested. There was another underwater bench but this one was in the middle of the pool. I’d already been reduced to a nice puddle of relaxed jelly which made sliding over to it a great deal of effort. And to my utter surprise (not) Jack slid in behind me on the bench. He wrapped his legs around my thighs and scooted forward.

 

Once again, his strong smooth hands ran over my skin. For _I-have-no-idea-how-long_ , he kneaded, circled and pressed tight bunches of muscle with his powerful thumbs. He slid his hands up my back until his thumbs were pressed along either side of my spine; slowly he slid his thumbs down from the base of my neck to the tip of my tail bone. The sensation was intense; my eyes fluttered shut and my lips parted as pleasure swept through me.

 

My hormones were reacting quite predictably to the potent combination of Jack’s 51st Century pheromones and his nimble ministrations and although I’ve been known to exert superhuman will power and self-restraint my sex drive had finally gone into hyperdrive.

 

My ‘cool’ exterior was melting. Allow me to clarify; I may have looked relatively unaffected (possibly—but probably not) but on the inside I was rapidly losing this battle of wills.

 

There was absolutely no doubt in my extraordinarily and increasingly befuddled mind that reams of people had succumbed much faster to Jack’s skillful seduction.

 

And I was (almost) certain that I’d held out for an impressively long time.

 

And I was proud.

 

But the time was quickly approaching when I wouldn’t be able to think—never mind resist.

 

I know from personal experience that Jack’s boasts were no exaggeration.

 

He **_had_** seduced his way through several galaxies.

 

The fact that I’d been able to maintain some semblance of self-control gave me a great deal of satisfaction.

 

I’d wanted to make him work. I’d wanted to make him lust after me, **_want me_**.

 

I hadn’t wanted to throw myself at him (like I once had). More than anything, I wanted to prove to myself (and him) that I **_could_** resist him.

 

I had.

 

Now the naughty voice in my head was whining and panting.

 

_You’ve resisted already! Get on with it!_

Even the good voice was agreeing by this point.

 

“This is much better,” he whispered.

 

“I think you like being behind me so you can whisper in my ear,” I teased.

 

“You bet I do,” he confirmed.

 

“I also like having you between my legs.

 

“You are so naughty,” I accused.

 

“Me? Naughty? I’ve been so good,” he whined.

 

“Actually, you have… you’ve been nearly a saint,” I joked. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

 

“Thank you for what?” he asked.

 

“For the massage. For being incredible. For being a gentleman.”

 

“A gentleman?” He sounded quite surprised that I would call him that.

 

“Yes. You’ve been patient, you haven’t been pushy, you’ve been extremely considerate and you haven’t tried to seduce me.”

 

“I was getting to that…” he smirked.

 

I sighed. “I know.” I grinned too.

 

“So does that mean you don’t want me to seduce you?”

 

“Well…” My voice went up at the end of the word. A school of fish would have understood my meaning.

 

He chuckled and resumed his massage but he also started planting kisses down the side of my neck.

 

I could smell him, his special scent. It was thick. I could taste it in the steamy air.

 

I wondered if his own sex pheromones had any effect on him if the air was saturated. We were both breathing his heady mix of spicy–sweet–lusty–need.

 

“Do your pheromones have any effect on you?” I asked.

 

He went quiet and his hands stopped travelling over my skin.

 

“How do ya know about my pheromones? You’re from the 21st Century aren’t you?” He was confused and perhaps a little suspicious.

 

“Of course I am. But I know all about your evolved sex hormones Jack,” I said lightly.

 

“Oh. I see.”

 

“What? Did you think you had a secret weapon?” I joked.

 

“No!” he chuckled, “Of course not.”

 

I raised my eyebrows in a way that clearly shouted **_liar!_**

****

“We’ve both been breathing them for over half an hour… so do they have any effect on you once they’ve been released?” I insisted.

 

“Interesting question. You think too much.”

 

“Perhaps. But I think you’re avoiding the question.”

 

“Well… I suppose if I re-breath in a closed environment for an extended period of time… I suppose it might… exacerbate things…” he admitted sheepishly.

 

This time when he resumed his massage, he’d moved to my legs. “Are you relaxed enough yet?”

 

“Yes, quite. Thanks.”

 

“You’re very welcome.” He paused and then asked, “So are **_you_** affected by my pheromones?”

 

“’Course I am! I’m only human,” I mused.

 

“Are you sure? You sure seem like you have superhuman control… either that or you aren’t attracted to me…”

 

“HA! Have you ever actually met anyone who wasn’t attracted to you?”

 

“Yes, more than I’d like to admit.”

 

“Well, **_that’s_** not an issue for **_me_**.”

 

He went from kissing my neck to sucking the skin at my pulse point and nibbling my ears. He made me whine. It was high pitched and embarrassing. He made me want to beg. His hands trailed down my flanks and traced distracting patterns on my thighs before he grasped and stroked the aching flesh bobbing at attention between my legs. “Oh Jack… oh _yes_ …” I moaned. He was pressed up against me hard. Our bodies slid easily in the steamy water.

 

It got a little too steamy though and after a _totally-irrelevant-amount-of-time_ we ended up in a shower stall that wouldn’t have been out of place in an ancient Roman spa. There were marble seats all around the outside of the stall and a selection of nozzles sprayed everything from jets to heavy raindrops overhead. These seats were so wide—well they were wide enough for two—and allowed for a good deal of moving around.

 

Things didn’t progress much past mutual groping in the hot tub. Our activities in the ancient Roman shower room however were a bit more **_vigorous_** but then somehow I ended up in his room. It was like I got trapped in a time warp. One minute time was moving slowly—I was pleading—he was groaning—we were panting— and then it was zipping past me and I had no idea how I got from one place to another so quickly.

 

It was in the middle of the [night? day? void?] that I went back to my room and wrote a few lines in my journal. Jack had laid wrapped _around-between-under-over_ me for hours. We’d thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company, several times over. In the back of my _ever-thinking-too-much-at-the-worst-possible-time_ mind, I worried about the consequences of our lusty hot tub adventures.

 

.

 

* * *

_TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_

* * *

 

_September 10, 2005_

_Let’s see, how to sum up my day ..._

_It was educational. I learned a few things: Jack was a time agent, spaceships talk – **to me** and it’s possible to meet two different versions of a person in one day. _

_Oh, and I shagged the past version of my alternative timeline lover who I will one day work for and hopefully fall in love with._

_All in all, a very interesting day. My mind is frazzled. I’m going fucking crazy._

_It doesn’t get any better than this!_

 

* * *

_TW    Ianto’s Journal    TW    Ianto’s Journal   TW_

* * *

 

 

 

.

TW **X** DW

 

.

 **WHEN I WOKE** , I went in search of some clean clothes. I opened the wardrobe and found a lovely gift. The TARDIS had materialized the perfect outfit. It was exactly what I would’ve bought for myself if money were no object.

 

First of all, the fabric was _out of this world_ , come to think of it, it probably was. It was a dark, almost smoky blue; it was lightweight, felt soft to the touch and was obviously durable. Not only that but it didn’t even wrinkle! Like I said, out of this world!

 

It was a stylish two-piece suit but the jacket had no lapels. It was cut perfectly for my body. The shirt was made of a similar fabric only thinner. It was a slightly lighter shade of blue. She’d even provided a matching belt and a necklace.

 

I went in search of breakfast and found the Doctor and Rose sipping tea and enjoying a rather large English breakfast. It was just what I needed.

 

After Rose finished her breakfast, she excused herself and went off to have a shower leaving the Doctor and me to chat.

 

I thanked him profusely for the gorgeous suit and the lovely necklace. He told me it was the TARDIS’s idea.

 

“You see…” he began “She wants to give you a parting gift… you know… something to remember us by?” He was grinning that crazy grin again, the one that makes most people nervous.

 

“Are you saying the ship gave me a gift?”

 

“ _Weeee **ll**_. It’s from both of us.” He took a quick sip of his tea and avoided my eyes for a good long while.

 

“Thank you, Doctor” I touched his hand and said, “And… TARDIS? Ah… thank you… you’re an amazing ship. I especially loved the bathroom.” I was muttering a bit. I had no idea how to talk to a flipping ship. Also, I had to stop talking just then because the bathroom memories were turning my skin a lovely shade of pink.

 

I cleared my throat and promptly changed the subject. I asked him about the necklace. It was a gold cylindrical pendant on a long gold chain. It was shinier than most gold chains and the pendant was strangely smooth.

 

“What is it? Does it have a special meaning?” I asked.

 

“Actually, yesss. Just tap the end… there.”

 

I tapped the end, like I was shown and suddenly a glyph appeared on the side of the pendant. It was beautiful, so intricate and delicate.

 

“It’s gorgeous!”

 

“I’m glad you like it. It’s old, from Earth if I’m not mistaken. I believe that represents the Aztec Goddess Ixcel.

 

“I’m not familiar with Aztec Goddesses. What does it mean?”

 

“ _Weeee **ll**_. It varies really. She had many faces. She could be the Goddess of Earth and War or a Rain Goddess. She was also known as the Jaguar Goddess of Fertility and Midwifery.

 

“Wow. She was busy.”

 

“Yes, she was. This symbol originated on Earth and it was thought to be so beautiful that it spread throughout the galaxy. I’ve seen this on several different worlds. It’s supposed to bring you good luck while you’re wearing it.”

 

“Well. Thank you. This is just… so amazing. It’s too much really. I don’t know how to thank you. I do have some questions though about that other thing if you don’t mind.

.

“Of course, let’s talk about your timeline problems. Come with me. We won’t be disturbed here.” He led me into a library type room that was full of books and comfy sofa chairs.

 

“Okay,” I began, “So question number one is pretty huge. How did this happen to me? How is it possible that I’ve been reinserted into my own timeline. This didn’t happen the last time. This is new. That’s weird right?”

 

“Yes, definitely weird. As for why… I have no idea. And as for how it’s possible? Well, there are several possible albeit improbable culprits that have been known to tamper with… things on Earth.”

 

“Please. I need to know. Anything you can tell me.”

 

“Well, I’ve run across a few beings that generally live on Earth who’ve played with certain important events in the past. Not exactly like this but they’ve performed some pretty impressive feats. Most are seemingly unexplainable. They call themselves ‘The Powers’ or some such thing. Pretentious if you ask me. _Any-hu_ , they play favorites. And they really like the Earth, kind of consider themselves long-term caretakers if you will.”

 

“The Powers? Really?”

 

“Yep. _The Powers That Be_ actually but if you ask me that’s an even worse name.”

 

 _That can’t be!_ I thought. _I always say that. It’s a bleeding joke!_

But now was not the time to get distracted with those thoughts. I needed to press on.

.

“What do you mean they play favorites?”

 

He made a few uncertain gestures and wrinkled up his cheeks a few times before answering. “They’re interdimensional hypertime beings who exist above and beyond your reality. They see far and they see the possible. A little like Time Lords actually but much less impressive. They just do one planet at a time.”

 

“Mhhmmmm,” was all I could come up with.

 

“Where was I? Oh... yeeess... righ ** _t_**!” He snapped the last letter T between his lips and then carried on with his explanation. “Favorites. Yes, they select a chosen few as it were, and they help them, guide them, sometimes punish but most of the time they just watch. Which is why we—they and I—haven’t had a lengthy discussion— ** _yet_**.” That T was popped more dramatically than the others.

 

“Do you really think it’s them who did this to me?”

 

“Naaaaaaaa. Probably not.”

 

“What? What do you mean?” I was trying desperately to follow his train of thought but he’d completely lost me.

 

“It could be anyone—any of _them—_ just impossible to know for certain. Sorry.”

 

I’d hung my head in dismay at the utter futility of it all. No way to tell? _Really?_

 

“The thing is, Ianto, it’s done, can’t undo it now. Just have to… live with it. Learn to love it even?” He looked hopefully at me.

 

“That’ll take some effort I think.” I nodded in acceptance. “Question number two is related to timeline changes.”

 

“Okay. Shoot!”

 

“I met Jack down in the hub. I’ve also met him here on the TARDIS. So how come he told me on the lift that he didn’t remember me? How is that possible?”

 

“ _Weee **lll**._ That’s the thing with timeloops—they’re unpredictable. There are so many variables. First, you have to think of it in terms of what kind of event it was. Some things can change but others just can’t. Meeting Jack early was one of those _flexible_ events.”

 

“I can understand that but why can’t he remember me?”

 

“Oh… he will I imagine.”

 

The confused and distinctly unsatisfied look on my face spoke volumes so he continued.

 

“He will remember you. It takes a bit of time for things to kick in sometimes. Like meeting you on the TARDIS for example… he won’t remember your time on the TARDIS until you and he are no longer on the TARDIS and/or under her sphere of influence. We are somewhat removed from… _things_.”

 

“So are you saying that the next time we meet he’ll remember meeting me in the hub and everything that happened on the TARDIS?”

 

He nodded then pursed his lips. “I hate to even ask. Believe me. I really, really do. But. Please tell me exactly what you mean by _what happened on the TARDIS_?”

 

I hesitated and bit my lip.

 

He blanched.

 

I gave in. “You know… Margaret… the egg… the hatchery… dinner… drinks… Jenga…” I flinched. “… The hot tub…” I mumbled under my breath.

 

“Oh! You DIDN’T!” He grabbed his head and by the looks of it tried to pull his scalp off.

 

 _Here is comes,_ I thought. _My ears are doomed._

“In my defense, the TARDIS **_did_** make us a really nice hot tub and you **_were_** there for the initial primal mating rituals.” But his head snapped up and the look of accusation burned like a flame thrower. It had me shutting the hell up and in a fraction of a second had completely transformed me into a more suitably contrite demeanor.

 

“He will remember. He will definitely remember everything. Is that going to be a problem for your projected timeline?”

 

“No,” I answered quickly, “Not at all.”

 

I sat on my hands as I was instructed to do when I was a thoroughly naughty child. It seemed appropriate.

 

He relaxed a little or perhaps he decided it wasn’t going to be a big deal after all.

 

“What was your last memory before you experienced the timeloop?”

 

I pursed my lips. I hadn’t thought about that memory for years, on purpose. “I died. In his arms. That’s my last memory.”

 

“I was afraid of that.”

 

“Do you want me to tell you where?”

 

“No. Please. You mustn’t. It’s tempting I know. You’re alone, lonely, scared, confused, I know. But it is so important that you don’t disclose your knowledge of the future.”

 

“Spoilers.”

 

“Yes. That.”

 

“I’ve kept a record. My journal. I still remember most things. I have to… change some things. I can’t just sit there and do nothing.”

 

“But sometimes, my dear poor boy, that’s just exactly what we must do. Believe me, I know.”

 

“But not always! Right? Isn’t that what you said? Some things aren’t written in stone, they can be changed?”

 

“Yes, I did say that. But how are you to know? You can’t see the difference. You’re human not a Time Lord.”

 

“So, if something is fixed then no matter what I do, it won’t make a difference right?”

 

“Yes. That’s right. It won’t change.”

 

“Alright. I can accept that.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really. I’ve had a few years to get used to this. There are certain realities that I’ve come to accept. I can think of a few examples, like when my dad died; I couldn’t change that. I know that. But I did make sure my sister didn’t hold a grudge the last time they had a fight. I made sure of that.”

 

He smiled at me. His eyes sparkled brightly. In them, I saw and felt such deep emotion that I was overcome. He reached out for my hand and took it between his. He didn’t say a word. He sat there holding my hand and he just smiled with such… benevolence. It was a purity of spirit I had never witnessed before. He was never the same in my eyes after that. In that moment, I knew exactly why so many loved him.

 

_._

Continued in… Chapter 6: Moving On

 

 

> **IANTO'S NEW TIMELINE**
> 
> C1   [08/20/01]-Restart  
>  C1   [09/xx/01]-Uni yr 1 of 4, chg courses, weapons training, meets: Inspector Donaldson (I.D.)  
>  C1   [09/xx/01]-Self-defense course (1st time), adjusts lifestyle  
>  C2   [10/xx/01]-Roastery job, starts meeting foxy boys and girls  
>  C2   [11/xx/01]-Hangs with I.D. at the 'club', gains +role models, I.D. becomes mentor, goes on 'ride-alongs'  
>  C2   [12/xx/01]-Connects with sis and dad, struggles with reruns  
>    
>  C3.1   [01/02/02]-Quits Roastery job, starts library job, gets research access  
>  C3.1   [02/01/02]-Starts Criminology Internship, self-defense course (2nd time), meets Colin  
>  C3.1.   [xx/xx/02]-Meets threshold guardian, defended by friends  
>  C3.2   [05/xx/02]-'Ship with Colin begins, poker night; becomes the teacher
> 
> C3.3  [xx/xx/02]-Witnesses big fight btn Rhi & Dad  
>  C3.3  [12/xx/02]-Dad dies  
>  C3.3  [01/xx/03]-Part time job at Police department
> 
> C4.1  [03/03]- Goes weevil hunting  
>  C4.2  [08/03]- Observes Torchwood team take down a blowfish  
>  C4.3  [04/04]- Gets probed by telepathic alien  
>    
>  C5.X [05/xx/05]-Completes requirements for Uni degree   
>  C5.1 [09/04/05]-Ianto camps out on Roald Dahl Plas  
>  C5.1 [09/08/05]-Ianto meets the Doctor, Rose, Micky & mortal-Jack  
>  C5.2 [09/08/05]-Saves the TARDIS & meets Immortal-Jack for 1st time  
>  C5.3 [09/09/05]-Travels with 9th Doctor to Raxacoricofallapatorious  
>  C5.3 [09/10/05]-Parties on the TARDIS & talks with Doctor  
>  C5.3 [09/10/05]-TARDIS bestows a parting gift

  
_  
_

****

_  
_

****


	10. Moving On (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto says goodbye to friends new and old and says hello to a new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/spoilers/content: swearing, sexual references, M/M kissing  
> Ianto’s New Timeline: September 18-25, 2005  
> A special nod to the mighty Douglas Adams and the number 42 (the Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything)

 

 

 **AFTER MY CHAT** with the Doctor I went back to my room to collect my things and as I neared the sound of Rose’s bubbly laughter grew louder. I could hear them talking. They were in my room waiting for me.

 

As I rounded the corner Jack let out a “there he is!” and I smiled. I was so glad they were there.

 

“Hi there – you two having fun – in my room?” I made a mock frown and plopped down on the bed next to Jack. “I’m glad you’re here.” I sighed and leaned into his arm.

 

“Well… we figured you two needed some privacy for your talk. We didn’t want to miss you… _soooo_ … we decided to wait for you here.”

 

“It was Jack’s idea really! He dragged me in here!” She grinned and scooted out of range of Jack’s swatting hand. “I think he’s smitten!” she teased.

 

“Of course I am! He’s a hunk.” With that he pulled me towards him and kissed me playfully on the lips. “You’re just jealous!”

 

“Ya, I am!” she agreed wholeheartedly which I must confess did wonders for my ego. “You two are so… _ahem_ … cute together.” She was choosing her words carefully.

 

Jack leered and retorted, “that’s _not_ what you said _last_ night blondie.”

 

She blushed a lovely shade of crimson. I was so glad I wasn’t the only one around here who did that. “Wh…what did I say last night?” she asked nervously.

 

“You said we were **_hot_**.” He leaned forward and fanned himself like she had last night. “Then you ran down the hall after the Doctor. You two get it on last night? Hmmm?” He was really enjoying himself.

 

She made a face, not a happy face, **_not_** the face of a woman who got it on with the Doctor. “Not even close.” She flopped back on the bed with a groan. “He’s oblivious. Brilliant and completely stupid at the same time.”

 

“Yep,” Jack agreed, “totally blind.” He turned to me and asked, “so… Ianto what’s the plan? Are you going to come with us?” He looked so hopeful, sitting there with his heart on his sleeve. I’d never seen this side of Jack and this playful, young, carefree Jack was something I’d never see again.

 

It was a gift but it couldn’t last.

 

“I can’t…” I began, “I have things I _have_ to do.”

 

“Ohhhh! Can’t you do them _later_?” he whined.

 

“No,” I shook my head and took his hand, “I really can’t. I wish I could… stay with you… but I can’t.” It hurt, saying this, watching his hopes being dashed and knowing I’d never see this Jack again.

 

“That sucks,” added Rose. “Well, let us walk you out…” she began but she took one look at our body language and changed her mind. “A _hhhh_ … maybe I’ll just meet you in the control room…” she added quickly and ran from the room giggling.

 

We moved towards each other and melded together. Our lips connected and our bodies wrapped around each other. This was a goodbye kiss, the kind you make movies about and the kind you remember for the rest of your life.

 

We walked slowly down the winding corridor; it felt like a really long walk, much longer than yesterday. The Doctor was fiddling with a thingy on his _what-chu-ma-call-it_ and Rose was slumped on the console room’s pathetic excuse for a sofa when we finally found our way there.

 

“All set then?” asked the Doctor. His voice sounded chipper but his eyes were dull and sad. I’d be sorry to see him go too.

 

“Yep. Got everything in here,” I said and held up my backpack. I dropped it on the floor and went over to him. I could see him getting jumpy as I started walking towards him; he definitely didn’t like goodbyes. “Doctor… I want to thank you… for talking to me… for taking me to Raxa… Margaret’s planet.” I grinned and so did he, which was my plan of course.

 

“Oh,” he sighed, “Ianto. Ianto you are so very welcome. It was my pleasure meeting you.”

 

“The pleasure was mine, sir.” I gave him a hug because I needed one and also because I sensed that more than anything he did too.

 

He didn’t say anything but he hugged me fiercely.

 

“I was wondering… if there’s any way to get a hold of you if I find myself in one of those important time-liney situations we talked about?” I pulled back from our hug and looked at him hopefully.

 

He nodded and squished his lips together. “I think so.” He pulled the sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and wiggled it between his fingers. He held out his hand and said, “your phone?”

 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to him.

 

He pointed his sonic at it and I heard that soothing sound once again.

 

He grinned, obviously satisfied and then handed it back to me. “That’s my direct line. Here. ” He pointed to the old fashioned red phone attached to the console. “Just press speed-dial #42 and it’ll dial me directly from anywhere.”

 

“Thank you, I’ll only use it in case of emergencies.”

 

“You can call me anytime. I’d love to hear from you from time to time.” He wrapped an arm around me and led me towards the center of the room where Jack and Rose were leaning up against each other.

 

Jack passed me my backpack and then he hugged me again. He kissed me one last time and he didn’t even stop when the Doctor began _tisking_ at us. Rose grabbed the Doctor’s hand and just giggled.

 

I stepped out of the TARDIS and shut the doors behind me but before I walked away I ran my hand across her doorframe and I whispered my heartfelt thanks. “Thank you TARDIS. You are a beautiful blue… ship. Oh, and thanks for giving me this lovely necklace. I promise I’ll wear it.”

 

In reply, I felt her hum in my mind; she didn’t send me words per se rather what I felt was a happy warmth followed by a wave of mischievous glee.

 

I was back on the Plas, right where I’d started. I stood back and waited for the chilling noise of dematerialization.

 

Once they were gone I turned around and looked up in search of the spot that hid a CCTV camera and I waved. I said, “I’ll see you soon Jack!” and then I went home.

 

* * *

 

 To be continued in Part Two

 


End file.
